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vixemParticipant
I really hope that your son has found a little help through gingerbread and is managing his way through. I hope the weekend hasn’t been too painful. Mine has been relatively light until tonight when he admitted he should have already gone years ago. This has sent him on a spiral of remorse and regret. Waiting for him to come home. Keep fighting your corner and support your son as much as you can. We will find a way xxxx
vixemParticipantThere is no way I would allow it. But at the same time it probably wouldn’t be followed through as it may have seemed a good idea through drink. I have given up on social services I have spoken to gingerbread and they worked out what benefits I would receive as a single parent. Including help with childcare. It may be worth looking at what he could get all depending on what he earns, hours he works. My struggle is I can start at 5.30 am and can finish at 10.30pm so I struggle for childcare. But if he works 9-5 there is more help available. I really feel for you all. It shouldn’t be finances that cause us to stay with these people but sometimes you have no choice. Xx
vixemParticipantUnfortunately as you said it has probably been brushed under the carpet again. I can’t tell you how many times my partner and I have had that final row. Then he has got up next morning like nothing had happened. However, in your sons heart he knows it is not your fault, he may not say it because he doesn’t want to provoke the monster. He is just desperate to keep the peace.
He also might still be in denial if he asks her to stop eventually she will.
Hopefully he won’t leave it as long as I have before he starts to make changes. I’ve got a long way to go but I already feel I have achieved so much in the last week..
vixemParticipantThank you Dragonella. I know she would and she would be furious if she knew what I had been going through alone. I know I really need to do it in the next 6 weeks so my daughter can start reception as if nothing had happened.
Could your son not look into seeing if he could get help with childcare through one of the government schemes. I know it isn’t easy and when money is so tight it seems impossible. I understand that social services have to prioritise cases. But do feel they could support both my and your family more. The last thing I want for both of us is for the children to be taken into care. But surely there must be a way they can help to ensure that care doesn’t become an option. I know we have to sort it out ourselves but when the person is in denial how can one person get through to them.
vixemParticipantHi Disneycalm Im always nagging too and again I have no idea what I am talking about. To be honest today has gone reasonably well. There was no arguments and I have come home from work to a relatively sober man. It still doesn’t take away the panic it causes me while I am at work wondering what I will come home to. How has your day been? Sorry posted to wrong placex
vixemParticipantHow have things been for you today.? I keep thinking about you all, hoping she isn’t causing too much trouble. In the scheme of things ive had quite a good day. My oh has stayed relatively sober and hasn’t caused one upset since the hangover episode this morning. However, I am not letting one good day affect my plans. I am determined to make things better for my daughter one way or another. Having someone to talk to finally is giving me the strength to carry on. Thank god I found this forum. I really was loosing my way.
vixemParticipantThats exactly my situation. Its exhausting. The lighter side of me says he would celebrate the opening of a banana. His 2 children from his previous relationship are visiting today. Absolutely dreading it as there will either be celebrations because all went well or he will drown his sorrows if they argue. I just wish they could see what they are doing to themselves and to their families.
vixemParticipantYou have to commit yourself to your family and by not enabling her behaviour you are doing that along with caring for your other son. Unfortunately doing the right thing usually hurts. Socially services are not involved I requested a voluntary visit however, again as one fully functioning parent is there, there was nothing they could help with at that time.
I am going to email primary schools near my mum today and have been put on the transfer list at work. So I am slowly seeing a chance to escape. I just dread the debt that will follow as he will loose the house but will build up a massive rent arrears in the process.
vixemParticipantI am not surprised. We never go anywhere anymore. Darenth risk what he will do. Today he has just screamed at me because I went to the chemist to collect my daughters prescription and he was going to do it?? I am so drained it seems my only option is going to be to walk away from. Everything, leave everything behind and go to my mums with my tail between my legs.
vixemParticipantHi Dragonella, it helps to not feel alone. Your poor son is going through hell trying to keep the ship afloat. The support you are giving him is probably giving him the strength to keep going. I really hope he finds a way to make things work for himself and his son. Small steps each day. I wish my family were closer and knew what was going on. They are 100 miles away and I’m completely alone always an excuse to not attend social gatherings. He has made sure my friends stay away. Work is my only respite knowing my daughter is at nursery but at 3.15 the panic begins again.
vixemParticipantI really feel your pain, as you know I am living in your sons shoes. There are so many questions and no answers. Where do I go if I leave? Who will care for my child while I am at work? And by helping out we are enabling their sickness. I know that all situations are different but I know we need to find the strength to do the right thing for the whole family. I have a meeting with my boss today to ask for term time work only and sociable hours. Don’t think I will get anywhere but this is the first of many decisions I am trying to make my way through. Send my love and strength to your son and keep fighting on for him and your grandchild. Your support will be keeping him strong. X
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