[vmac123]

I hear you. It’s like you give one inch and they have to push the boundaries further and further. Mine is literally drinking himself into sickness. He has a fatty liver and is still drinking two weeks after diagnosis and being told that he needs to abstain. I honestly don’t know how much longer I should stick around this xx

[vmac123]

Hi thanks for the reply. It depends on the day really. He can abstain but, when he starts drinking, it is a lot. Saturday he must have had about 20 bottles and a couple of shots – it was his birthday so there was some excuse making. Today, he’s drinking cider downstairs. I just think that if he doesn’t cut the drink out entirely, his liver is going to get worse…

[vmac123]

I’m starting to dread most days. Today, his car broke so he borrowed mine as I’m working from home. Fine. He then stopped after work to get a drink then drove my car. Not fine. He finally admitted it because I clocked it straight away. I know all the websites say to detach and try to control your reaction because you can’t control their addiction but today I just can’t stop myself feeling so mad! I don’t want to talk to him or be in the same room. I love him but I don’t know how much longer this can go on. He’ll be full of apologies tomorrow but they’re just words. He will do it again. I feel like I’m just trapped in this endless cycle

[vmac123]

It does feel like you’re alone but really we’re not. I think it’s fear of being alone or leaving them alone that makes us stay. I’m so tired and I’m trying so hard to be detached from it all but it’s hard. I just want a life without this stress but I also love him…

[vmac123]

He did really well for 3 weeks. Then, he upped to drinking 12 bottles of Peroni last night. He’s got another 12 now that he’s just started on. I am trying to just distance myself from it – I can’t stop him. I can’t control him. I can only control my reaction so I’ve come up to take a bath and relax with a book. I can do this. I am able to control my reaction – I just need to be strong. I hope you’re well x

[vmac123]

Dexter2015 is right. These forums are all we have at the moment to escape for a while. I really do think taking your focus off the other person’s problem and focusing on yourself helps. Does worrying, hunting for bottles, asking them to stop etc help you or them? I don’t find that it did for me – it made my fiancé ratty and me anxious and miserable. I’ve quit looking for it and I’m focusing on myself – exercising, reading, chatting to friends etc. Look up self esteem building and do some work on you. I find a short 5 minute meditation in the morning has helped me to stay focused: I’m trying the one described in this video https://youtu.be/9vnlSXm81U0 I’ve not been doing this long but in the week I have, I’ve not been so focused on analysing my fiancé (I’ve looked in his usual hiding place once in a week – I used to do it every day -twice) and I’ve felt better. It’s going to take me a long time but I’m determined to make myself happier with who I am. Then if I have to leave, I will have the strength to do it. I hope you manage to find a little piece of yourself to keep you going.

[vmac123]

Thank you for your reply Dexter2015. I have considered that eventually I will have to let him go. I’m trying my hardest to focus on myself at the moment – he’s going to do what he will do no matter what I do. I’m trying to focus on my health, doing some studying for work and rebuilding connections with friends / getting hobbies etc. It’s having a positive effect on my mood so far.

He’s got a hospital appointment on the 30th for some ongoing issues with his stomach – I think they’re drink related but can only wait to see what the doctors say. I think it’s frightened him though as he has been off the drink for a week now except for 3 small bottles yesterday which is major progress. I think it helps that he is back to work himself.I’m not fooling myself into thinking that he will be cured though. I am just going to carry on being focused on myself and if after all of this lockdown business is done there is no better future in sight then I will have to make that break…

I’m sorry to hear about your husband but I am glad that you and your son have made a new start as that doesn’t sound like a pleasant environment at all. I will say that my fiancé is never abusive towards me – I guess that’s one of the reasons why I let things go so far.

I hope that you and your son are doing well in the current climate. It was nice for someone to reassure me that I’m not mad!

[vmac123]

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I live with an alcoholic too. My fiancé is awesome sober but drunk he’s not the best. Not aggressive just not pleasant to be around. It’s exhausting. I hope you manage to find some comfort here in knowing you aren’t alone

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