[waltonfam]

Faith not fear. Our stores are so alike i double check it’s not my post I’m reading………..go girl x

[waltonfam]

All addicts say the same things, treat people the same way, see us as boring and not fun to be around, start not

liking our family, lie, sometimes cheat, “this isn’t love”, look at you blah blah.

It’s an addict – they are Ill.

If you were living with someone who had dementia, would you expect them to remember everything…………

Addicts need help. You can’t do it with words.

This may be self inflicted but that stuff has pickled their brain and now they are Ill. Damaged their brain.

He has to reach bottom! But! He has to want this for himself. Nor do this for you or anyone else. Until then, you will not get this person back.

He will find a way of getting stuff. If he tries to go cold turkey on his come down, he will be just as bad as when on it.

I feel for you. I have been there with my husband. 5 years and it makes me shudder what he was capable of.

He went to rehab, and has now got the personality disorder which is common after drug taking. Having therapy and realising his actions we endured breaks his heart. He doesn’t remember most of them. I only stayed with him because I had had 22 years

previous sign him and knew he would hate the person he became. Good job I couldn’t hate him. But I was so firm in the end. Bit over my head and indifferent and ,

Ok

No Problem

Smiles with others and pleasant

Did my own thing

Theres the front door hun

Off you go,

He hated it. Whose the boring one now whilst he lay in bed after his come down. I was off enjoying my kids and family.

He is a changed man now but somewhat proud. Baffles me…….. Proud he could beat it because he knows so many that couldn’t. This is the man I knew.

I have been lucky.

He needs to see and admit and get help. That is strength

You need to step back, think if your life and watch/wait. You may wait, you may walk.

Be strong xx

[waltonfam]

Leave him to enable you get yourself some space. Don’t leave on an angry note, be calm, proud and confident – not Shouting and giving him ultimatums. You don’t want to hear those words they find no remorse in saying. This is your prescious life too. Keep a distance, ask for no contact, don’t respond. Distract yourself. This is not fair on you or anyone having to live like this. Give yourself

Space, learn and watch. See how you feel, be strong – you may surprise yourself. Either way this is toxic and doing neither of you any good and your both in ruts that are getting repeated because neither of you are doing anything but voice tit/tat. Action it instead and show you mean it. End of day, this is addiction speaking, not who they were. Your not helping them by trying to care, protect, talking. Your the enemy. Nagging is enemy that is trying to stop then feeding their addiction. xx

[waltonfam]

Leave him and get yourself some space. This is not fair on you or anyone having to live like this. Space, learn and watch x

[waltonfam]

There is nothing you can do until YOU take action. Respect yourself. Realise it’s going to take strength from you.

That is going to hurt you and it will be painful.

He/she has to work it out for themselves. They won’t give a hoot at first when you either leave or ask them to leave. Infact they will probably feel free and binge crazy and won’t even think about you. They will say hurtful I sensitive words. Just ignore them. Walk away gracefully with head held high.

Just sit and watch and say (from a distance), call if your really struggling but please keep out of sight. Leave me be. Slowly it will cut away from them. They will then get as low as it needs to be to wake them up from the denial in hell they are living.

If your love is as strong as you believe – then you will be there. But my god will you become stronger and one word out of place – react and walk away again and again until they get the respect back. Let’s face it, they have lost respect for us because we have made it too easy for them. Whether they believe it or not, they will have lost respect.

It’s the process for you both. Whether that is long term who knows. What will be will be.

But my god you have to think of you because no one else will and you are responsible for your own life. You have chosen uptil now and not happy. Sad as hell, why me, what have I done. Absolutely nothing.

You didn’t cause it

You certainly cant control it

You can’t cure it

It’s hard.

Take care x

[waltonfam]

Ditto. I have done everything to keep the family together and focused in telling them kids to trust me, we will get through this, dad will get better. But now the kids are saying I was as bad as their dad staying with him. I think they have lost respect. They say we have ruined their childhood and given them memories they will

Never forget. I feel absolutely terrible and can’t bear they feel I have let them down. They said I involved them. I couldn’t help they witnessed him and my reaction. We are all close, they hear and we then talk. This became a pattern over the years but now say I told them too much ????. I’m open and felt they would understand why we have to help dad. They want me to leave him or they will leave if dad doesn’t change by getting help.????. Our kids are 22, 20 and 13. I love them to bits and this has cut me deep with feeling I have let them down. Have I been a fool. I’m certainly not strong and trust me he never gets away with it. I don’t stand for any nonsense but I remember him and who he was and who I know he wants to be.

[waltonfam]

I hope it works for you.

[waltonfam]

Wow, this is pretty identical to me. Although my hubby, kids father has said never again and hates the thought of it. He has been in detox 1 week. What hurts me is the irritable personality and the attacks of “knew you wouldn’t help me”, “you make me worse”, when ive done everything to help and support him. I literally carry him, drive for him (lost his license albeit not from drink), try and keep our business going, ferry kids around, take son football training most nights, Cook, Clean. My family are worries sick about me. Although hubby thinks and makes me feel I do nothing. He sits and expects me to do everything and when I make one slight comment as I’m “well can’t you get it”, I get a snarky vile look as if I’m a lazy cow. I’m ex guards and he says “how do you think I feel”, I’m in detox and can’t sleep a wink.

Just no thought for me at all, it’s hurt all about him and I’m being told he has to have a lot of family support who understands what he is going to go through. What about us? I/we didn’t take the cocaine, they did. But who suffers more is the question. They believe them. Who do you think it is?

Please bare with me, I’m a novice and 1 week I to finding out my husband who was “occasionally” doing it has actually been an addict for 6 months, using for 5 years. Drink & Coke and an affair on/off for 3 years. All our arguments were blamed on us as a couple and I was blamed for not being there for him. I was a mom with 3 kids, 3 pets, elderly parents. I believed him. Maybe I wasn’t there for him. But he was already on the vile stuff.

I am 49, been married to my soulmate for 22 years. Met him when we were 15z. What a man. I just hope and pray I get him back.

I’ve gone on and on but how do me and the kids get through the irritable rants and blame and then a sorry is supposed to make us feel better.

I won’t give up on him. I love him to bits.

I just need help to get through it ‘with him’.

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