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No you’re not being stupid. You start telling yourself that you’re overreacting, that you’re being paranoid, and then you’re worried about their reaction when you do confront them.
I didn’t need to confront my bf, he admitted it – it’s almost like he’s proud of it ???? I’m going to have a conversation with him tonight and just say it’s me or the drugs. I don’t want to live like this, in this perpetual cycle of anxiety and depression and worry.
If you want proof, try checking jeans pockets and his wallet, although you said earlier you’d searched his belongings. If he’s going to a mate’s house then maybe he leaves it there? Hopefully if you have kids he’s not stupid enough to leave a stash in a hiding place at your home.
I’m so sorry for you, it’s horrible isn’t it. But the sooner you confront him / ask him, the sooner you’ll be able to make a decision and what to do going forward.
Thank you. Yeah I’m ok, just sad and disappointed and these feelings are all so familiar! I’ve been reading a lot of posts this morning and realised just how much of my bf’s behaviour is due to the drugs. Things like being overly defensive and blowing up over a single throwaway comments, and feeling like walking on eggshells but he throws it back at me and says he can’t say anything around me.
I hate this drug. I hate all the films that glorify and glamourise it.
Anyway, not trying to hijack the thread but it’s nice that we are not alone.
I only just joined today so it wouldn’t have been my posts you have read! But like so many on here that I’ve seen, I’m with a man who does cocaine, and does it in the house when his kids are there (which is absolutely abhorrent – and for you, I think that is the biggest thing to make your husband wake up to himself). Does he smoke / drink / gamble? These are all addictive behaviours and go hand in hand with drug addiction. My bf does all three. We broke up over it, and then got back together when he promised he’d stop doing it. Surprise surprise, he hasn’t! And I hate that feeling of sadness, anxiety, and just resigned disappointment.
Happy to chat any time, I’m glad I found this forum as part of me was starting to feel like “am I just being controlling? Shouldn’t he be allowed to have some fun?” But cocaine is a horrible horrible drug – I have done it before but only once or twice, and I hated it. I didn’t feel anything good, and felt shocking for days afterwards. I just don’t understand why anyone would want to do it!
Hi, I’m sorry for what you’re going through. As a woman who likes a drink and surely drinks far more than is healthy, I would say that you / she need to figure out what is making her drink so much. The root cause, whether it be depression or trauma, can be helpful in getting her to stop – however she must want to. Also, she needs to recognise that these things can be habitual, and it’s a slippery slope. The first time she had a drink before midday she probably thought “hey, this is a bit cheeky, but why shouldn’t I?” And now it’s just become the norm for her.
Sit her down when she’s not drunk / hungover (I realise this could be difficult) and explain to her how you’re feeling and how it’s affecting you. You say you have kids? For me, I want to stop drinking for them, because I’m a better mother without alcohol. She needs therapy and support, not judgement or anger (although I’m sure you feel both those things). Do you drink?
So sorry for what you are all going through. I’m new to this site as my bf promised he wouldn’t do coke when we got back together a few months ago, but I found out he did it last night and I just feel so sad and disappointed.
I think you (we!) need to be strong and not put up with this in our lives. As people have said, they have to want to do it for themselves, and put the work in. Stop triggers such as drinking and gambling, and stop hanging with people who do it. I hate this drug.
Hi, sounds ???? like he is doing coke. That’s exactly the pattern my bf is in. You should confront him (when you’re sure he’s not high). Don’t tell him all the ways in which you know as he will then get cleverer about hiding it. Good luck and be strong! Stronger than me, I should have left my bf ages ago
Not sure if this thread is still live but it really resonates with me. My bf of three years does coke regularly, and like so many of you have said, it goes in cycles. He doesn’t want to quit though 🙁
We have broken up previously partly due to it – he cheated on me with a girl that he did coke with. I keep thinking he will change but am I just deluding myself? He’s a different person when he’s on coke and I hate it. Plus he does it when his kids are in the house which I think is absolutely disgusting. He drinks a lot and gambles, so I guess it’s all part of the addiction. I don’t want to break up with him – if I give him an ultimatum I think he would choose the drugs. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared of starting an argument but every time he does coke it just makes me so sad and disappointed – and lonely because it’s something I don’t want to do. I feel like he resents me because he’s promised not to do it when I’m with him, but then I feel like he’d rather be doing it than with me.
Not sure if this thread is still live but it really resonates with me. My bf of three years does coke regularly, and like so many of you have said, it goes in cycles. He doesn’t want to quit though 🙁
We have broken up previously partly due to it – he cheated on me with a girl that he did coke with. I keep thinking he will change but am I just deluding myself? He’s a different person when he’s on coke and I hate it. Plus he does it when his kids are in the house which I think is absolutely disgusting. He drinks a lot and gambles, so I guess it’s all part of the addiction. I don’t want to break up with him – if I give him an ultimatum I think he would choose the drugs. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared of starting an argument but every time he does coke it just makes me so sad and disappointed – and lonely because it’s something I don’t want to do. I feel like he resents me because he’s promised not to do it when I’m with him, but then I feel like he’d rather be doing it than with me.
Not sure if this thread is still live but it really resonates with me. My bf of three years does coke regularly, and like so many of you have said, it goes in cycles. He doesn’t want to quit though ???? We have broken up previously partly due to it – he cheated on me with a girl that he did coke with. I keep thinking he will change but am I just deluding myself? He’s a different person when he’s on coke and I hate it. Plus he does it when his kids are in the house which I think is absolutely disgusting. He drinks a lot and gambles, so I guess it’s all part of the addiction. I don’t want to break up with him – if I give him an ultimatum I think he would choose the drugs. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared of starting an argument but every time he does coke it just makes me so sad and disappointed – and lonely because it’s something I don’t want to do. I feel like he resents me because he’s promised not to do it when I’m with him, but then I feel like he’d rather be doing it than with me.