[wavy22]

Hello,

I just wanted to reply to see how you are holding up? Sounds like it’s such a difficult time for you, heartbreaking to read and I really feel for you.

It never seems fair or justified and you replay everything over in your head.

I don’t know you, but from reading your thread this man isn’t worth your tears and the anguish he’s putting you through. He’s definitely not worth your life.

Try doing something for you and put yourself first and take it minute by minute if you have to. Find strength by not waiting for him to message and in all honesty, i would be blocking him from contacting you. It will make him wonder when he finally does decide to unblock you.
He needs to realise that he doesn’t have so much of a hold on your life, when his own is spiralling out of control.
You are not a puppet on his string and you deserve so much more from someone xx

[wavy22]

I really do try to detach, but you know when they get to you it’s so hard. I genuinely did believe he was being truthful when he said enough was enough but no. We’re back to where we started x

[wavy22]

My suspicions were correct, he has done it again. Disappearing act again. The lies, and betrayal over and over. He played a good game this week, feeling sorry for himself and making me believe he was being truthful. I could scream, I really could.

[wavy22]

Aww, it really does hit home when you hear from other people in similar situations.
I’m really struggling tonight, I can’t keep going on like this. We’ve been through it all before and I’m exhausted and all over the place emotionally.
I suspect he’s done it again though can’t be sure.
I find that I do really struggle to concentrate on anything else, what helps you to get through it?  I’m trying to be kind to myself x

[wavy22]

I’m sorry to hear both of you are going through similar situations, as with most people on this forum. Saying it’s tough is an understatement. I will never really be able to express how it makes me feel.
I have so much sympathy for you both going through that and having to sell your house on top of it all, and you with having to move which is stressful enough.  @Paw_x are you still together?

I agree, part of it has to be choice but on the other hand mine has said before how it’s like being on a desert and needing a drink of water, like his brain goes into survival mode but if he has that much insight into his problem, surely he would be able to recognise that his brain is giving him false messages?!

No, he hasn’t really tried off his own back or without me ever telling him that’s what he needs to do to get help. I got support for myself last year and as part of that he attended a few 1:1 sessions with me but still it didn’t stop his use because half of the time he doesn’t think he has a problem.

It’s a day after his binge and he is talking about getting help. I’ve decided to detach, I’m not even going to mention it as I want to see him doing it off his own back.  I don’t want to hear false promises or his pitiful sorry’s and his lame excuses.
I have stupidly allowed him to come home and I feel embarrassed to admit it. How long do you give it? Will I know when enough is enough?
I mean I’m not sure I even feel the same anymore to what I did about him. Do I even love him or am I scared to be alone or am I just clinging on to false hope and empty promises?  It sure is a mess xx

[wavy22]

Thanks so much for replying, I think I needed to hear this. He’s finished his binge now and is trying to manipulate me by saying, “I have a problem” and then “it’s not me that’s making the choice to use.”
“I didn’t want to leave”… the list goes on.

Do you know how many times I’ve heard it all before?! I bet you can imagine.
I’ve been firm and I’ve stopped replying to text messages now. I’m feeling a little stronger today.
How are things with you? X

[wavy22]

Just to add that I am used to him disappearing when he uses. It just never gets any easier, but you seem to forget how bad they make you feel when they’re acting ‘normal’

[wavy22]

It takes some doing being emotionally detached. I’m a sucker for getting roped in. If I see him later when he hopefully fetches his stuff I’m going to try my best not to say a word and give him no reaction to what he’s done this weekend.

Wasted so much time being a complete mess because of this idiot.

[wavy22]

Yes you’re right. I bet it’s so much harder with children involved, why should you leave and let him have it cushty in a ready made home ????

It’s just so wrong.

Yes the weekends are hell. Do you ever run out of words to describe them ???? I detest mine! Xx

[wavy22]

Hello,

Sorry to hear you are going through this but it sounds like your husband is in denial about what he’s doing which is often what they do to minimise It, like it’s not a problem and they are in control of it but they’re not.

It takes a lot of patience to block out what they’re doing and how they treat you. Mine promised to stop numerous times but could never quite stop for good, he ended up blaming me for the drugs he’s took, as if he needed a reason to use.

It’s made me really ill all the lying, the deceit, the manipulation the anger/mood swings… the list goes on.

If you are wanting to stick it out, I would seek some help for yourself such as counselling or find something that makes you happy, as it really does start to take an emotional toll on you.

If your husband isn’t ready to admit or take responsibility for his actions, make sure you continue to look after yourself, stay strong xx

[wavy22]

It’s not awful, it’s being honest. They put us through hell. I had such a

panic attack earlier I don’t know how I calmed. Have you reached out to anyone that can help when he becomes violent?

My now EX partner can also be violent. I have bruises all over my arms but you know what, if he does try and hurt me from now on I’m going to sound a panic alarm and phone the police. I’m past it now.

I’m feeling stronger since my mini breakdown. He really is nothing but a fu**ing idiot and I’d rather now be on my own than for him to bring me down with him, he’s been making me so ill and it’s just not fair.

I hope karma does a good number on him for me!! Xxx

[wavy22]

My weekends been awful from start to finish. He’s been out all day and not come home. I need to stay strong now and stick to my guns and get this loser out of my life for good.

I’ve packed all his belongings. Even the cups and plates he had from when we moved in.

I’m in a bit of a state but I’m ok!

How are you doing? X

[wavy22]

Really sympathise with you and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It is truly heartbreaking.

I hate the drugs too and the person they seem to turn into.

I understand addiction but I will never understand how they can do it to the people they supposedly love! It causes so much damage ????

Not sure why drugs are ever worth it to begin with.

[wavy22]

Ranting now ???? but he claims poverty all the time when In reality he’s broke because of the drugs

[wavy22]

I’ve often wondered that too. Why is some powder so valuable to them just winds me up so much.

He can literally have no money, no food, no fuel in the car but thinks nothing of spending a few hundred on that stuff. He’l just lay it on as they call it and owe the drug dealer at the end of every month, then he’s playing catch up with money all the time and never has anything!

Dread to think how much he spends on it

[Author]

Posts