[worthless80]

Hi Hunnie,

I hope you are okay? Firstly, people do know now you have admitted to us, that is a big step in admitting or trying to gain an understanding of the position you are in and trying to change your ways.

I have to ask to be able to better understand, how long have you been using, how much each day, do you have any inkling of why you use – other than addiction?

Hopefully you will answer and we can chat.

All my love and best wishes.

Debs x

[worthless80]

Hi FaithNotFear

I am hope you are well. I was due to reply to your last comment to my post however was lost for words at your words!

How can you say that drugs can be used recreationally i.e. for fun yet call me out for a learning pathway?

Your idea of certain substances being highly addictive causes me issues, it seem’s you left off that two glasses every night wine with dinner, pharmaceutical drugs, cannabis (oh yes, cannabis).

Get rid of the “addict” and perhaps use the word substance user! I struggle you see to understand why you have a tendency to post on my post designed to ask for help, yet turned around with others asking for help. I am a substance user of much, caffiene, sugar, artifical sweeteners, cocaine, nicotine etc.

If you cannot give positive advice go and assist you Husband please x

[worthless80]

Hi Cockapoo,

I hope you are okay? Your question is a little difficult to answer, and I know it can be difficult but I guess you are possibly experiencing issues with use or someone close to you is.

I myself firstly began to use more frequently as a pain reliever when I broke both wrists, refusing opiate based pain killers. People seem to forget that codeine, tramadol etc. are infact opiate based and not far in make up to heroin.

Health issues; I have lost weight – from 17 stone to 12 stone – yet in being an issue is also a blessing as my knee and hip problems have gone due to the weight loss.

I drink more alcohol as that has always been my crutch – that is now my trigger – cocaine and alcohol – one can not be consumed without the other – a dangerous combination.

I will take a battering here – yes I use cocaine, no I do not abuse it, I am pretty much done with the pathway, I have learnt what I needed to and walked in the shoes of an individual who felt drugs were the best way to go. No, they are not, I know that now and will be able to take my understanding and empathy with me to assist other drug users.

I know it may be hard for you to write, however can you give a little more background, I may find it easier to answer your question then.

Much Love

Debs x

[worthless80]

Hi All

I hope you had a fab Xmas and the New Year is even better for you all!

I hate to be negative upon these sites – however for the benefit and her not quite sure how to respond to my information I posted, here goes;

In response to point number one in your comments that ” You feel a little uncomfortable that I seem to be justifying my drug use” I guess I am a little uncomfortable with the fact that I did not need to justify it, life takes you on pathways for a reason and therefore as mentioned I both negative and postives learnt from it! I am not at all comfortable with your comments!

Now I don’t doubt that when smokers, wine drinkers who drink each night over an evening meal or individuals who use pharmaceutical medicatons feel it perfectly acceptable. Why is that – is it because it is legal? There lays my problem drugs such as benzos and tramadol – some of the most addictive and dangerous drugs out there – yet, don’t worry they were prescribed. Equally I am even more uncomfortable with the fact that you state you recreationally used (unsure if abused) drugs on the rave scene from 1992 till today. Well good on you – I myself had far too many responsibilities to consider using drugs for fun!

Point number two that you made that cocaine users just about function! Please particularly on my post do not discriminate any one, and attempt to place every drug user in the same category. I myself have 4 children, I might add very intelligent, non drinking, non drug using teenagers. Yes, I am two modules away from passing as a lawyer, however in someways due to judgemental individuals such as yourself and the injustice of the judicial ‘justice’ system in the UK – would rather quit than preach or listen to senior judicial members, police authority etc. who use drugs themselves! Google high functioning drug users!

With regards to your Husband nearly destroying his relationship with his kids I can only assume he told them the truth and hopefully you did not? I am only gathering or speaking in the tone you seem to – that you were not supportive – I also can only assume he must have been violent/vindictive etc. for people who truly cared would have understood – if not then I absolutely get why he did not give a *uc*, this being to block out the individuals who placed guilt trips (a known cause for more drug use) etc. If he was simply using drugs and others disliked the fact then he has not lost anyone of importance when they ditched him.

Your comment relating to “you are glad I am happy with myself”, happy/unhappy, lessons learnt – I am I – I guess ask yourself are you happy with ‘you’. I am a giver despite being a drug user, volunteer as I mentioned, study to eventually assist with drug addiction, grew as an individual (not always a nice one, self reflection though is a very valid learning tool).

Finally I did not mention a law degree however as a person who is ‘coping just about’, bringing up 4 children, gaining the highest award status in health and social care, overcoming a nervous breakdown that dropped me to my knees (prior to any drug use), due to a miscarriage, cradling my 50 year old Mother-in-Law whilst she died in my arms from a brain anuerism, the list does go on but I will not bore you, returning to study law in my recovery period and passing every single exam and finally studying a degree in psychology from home, with the first year past! I must be one of the lucky ones I guess!

Drug test! Coming from a user or ex-user and I guess my really answer or question to you is – what gives you the right as an ex-user to dictate in the way in which you did to me (or is it you do not understand the tones that words can take?) I assume it is due to this reason as your illiteracy is not the greatest (I apologise for that comment), but guess what that is what it feels like to be judge before you hear a person’s story!!

Good luck on your story – do you ever wonder why your Husband would wish to blot you out by his use of drugs – to be honest am I am a caring person I see his point!

Good luck on your pathway – I truly hope that you can enlighten, not judge and not advocate services that typically use religion or occult similar meetings to lull the addict into a security that they believe they have been saved. News flash darling – firstly you tell me how a person can be addicted to a drug that when hitting the UK is generally 10% pure, psychological addiction ’tis all in the case of cocaine, yes this is coming from an individual who has based on her own decision tapered from many ‘wonder drugs’ benzos presribed by inadeqaute GP’s – lost many friends to drug use, yet it’s not use in their case ‘abuse’.

Lost for words, all I can say is please halt commenting on my post if you have nothing positive to say then to direct individuals to services whilst sounding like a condescending, hypocritical (you must know the saying ‘people in glass houses’ etc.

It would be very interesting to know your age, how many children, job title etc.

Much Love and Luck

[worthless80]

Hi

I am so sorry for how you are feeling and would love just to hug you. I am going to come from a personal perspective. I met my Husband at 15, from the age of 18 to 21 he was a cocaine addict whilst I cared for my Nan (best friend) as she was dying. I saw signs, questioned, yet never pushed too far for answers, for that I am glad as at that point our relationship would have been over and we would not have our 4 beautiful children.

At the age of 39 I suddenly decided to buy cocaine for the first time, I cannot answer why to this day. I however have been truthful from the start to each and every person (including police and social services). I believe 100% in honesty, or I did! This is where I can understand your Partners view point. In me telling the truth I have been made to feel worthless, verbally and physically assaulted by my Husband and Son, had reports written by Social Services that cut me to the core as so much of it was lies. It leaves me thinking it would have been so much easier had I just not told anyone!

I obviously understand your hurt from past experience yet my advice would be to have a blunt yet peaceful conversation, men in my experience find it hard to open up and us women tend to shout alot 😉 You love him, if you did not you would not be here seeking guidance, he is on a pathway which yes is illegal, does not conform to the ‘normal’ society yet he is the man you fell in love with. All pathways will end when we have learnt what we were put on that pathway for.

I truly hope that you can work through this – my marriage a few weeks ago was what felt like over! With talking, calmness, honesty, support and hugs it is now stronger than ever. However, Christ what a year 2021 has been, I would say the worst ever yet I lost those who judged and never really knew me, gained some wonderful non judgemental friends, assisted charities and most importantly met my demons yet at the same time believed the beauty in helping humanity that lays in me. Yes us drug abusers can be loving, empathic, lawyers, graduates etc.

Give him time hunnie, until you feel that you can give no more – but at that point then please be honest with him – it may just wake him up.

Happy New Year.

Much Love Debs x

[worthless80]

Hi,

I feel I have to reply being the original poster, and my story being the opposite to yours in someways!

My Husband unbeknown to me had an addiction in 2001 (been together since 15, 26 years). There were times I asked “are you okay?” as he did not seem quite right. 2 years on I found out why, more hurtful a family member was supplying it and everyone but me knew!

Strangely I hit 39 and to this day cannot explain why I suggested using it!! My only explanation is that it was a pathway I was meant to take. A pathway that led to me being verbally abused by Husband in ways that can be forgiven but never forgotten. My own Husband and Son hitting me and reporting me to Social Services, when and this is the truth I give my children the most love a Mother could give, I am not perfect yet I was told I was worthless! I did something that I could never have dreamt I would do and that was to have an emotional affair – I laughed and I smiled for hours and for the first time in life (that’s a positive).

I have gained self esteem and for the first time in 40 years felt the feeling of liking which turned into loving myself (not the ego). I have been honest from the start, sometimes I believe this was my biggest mistake, yet I am true. I may still use, yet I aid so many charities by volunteering, help anyone and am not a bad person. 2 modules off of a qualified lawyer and last year passed the first year of my degree. I however have lost many people along the way, those who in the past were huge drug users yet believe the past is the past.

I don’t really know where this is going – all I know is that each of us that have commented have met the hardest part and that is to admit!!

Happy New Year and much love.

Debs xx

[worthless80]

Hi Lou,

I am sorry for the delay in replying, it still amazes me when the post is bought back up!

I wish I could say to you that I am clean yet I am truthful and have had major setbacks with my marriage, being arrested (very out of character), yet at the same time these negatives have made me self reflect.

Firstly and not to sound condescending well done on 13 weeks!! 4 days for me is an achievement. I like you do not know why I started nor why I continue to do it – I gain no satisfaction as such, it is simply triggers. I attempt to go straight and watch a film – then boom the drug is being abused big style in the film – trigger! Sounds ridiculous I know.

Please do not be gutted with yourself – for 13 weeks you abstained from using it. This is a blip not a relapse – a relapse would be you going back to your former use (I am unsure of what that is), tomorrow is a new day.

I would love to give you a hug xx

Much Love Debs x

[worthless80]

Hi Lou,

I am sorry for the delay in replying, it still amazes me when the post is bought back up!

I wish I could say to you that I am clean yet I am truthful and have had major setbacks with my marriage, being arrested (very out of character), yet at the same time these negatives have made me self reflect.

Firstly and not to sound condescending well done on 13 weeks!! 4 days for me is an achievement. I like you do not know why I started nor why I continue to do it – I gain no satisfaction as such, it is simply triggers. I attempt to go straight and watch a film – then boom the drug is being abused big style in the film – trigger! Sounds ridiculous I know.

Please do not be gutted with yourself – for 13 weeks you abstained from using it. This is a blip not a relapse – a relapse would be you going back to your former use (I am unsure of what that is), tomorrow is a new day.

I would love to give you a hug xx

Much Love Debs x

[worthless80]

d j m c a b e 36 aol uk

missing sections obviously x

[worthless80]

Hi Evie

I am glad that you came across this post and have realised that you need to or wish to change. I wish I had the answers for you!

At this time the country and world is such that there is very little face to face support that we can access and I cannot imagine how many people who accessed these services prior are feeling nor how many people have for the first time found themselves relying upon a crutch of some sort. I am hopeful that soon far more help will be available.

If you do not mind me asking how long have you been using, was there a particular reason for starting and how much do you use in a week. All important factors as to how you could begin quitting. I am a firm believer in tapering of any drug – many will disagree! Have you recognised your triggers?

Much Love xx

[worthless80]

Hi Evie

I am glad that you came across this post and have realised that you need to or wish to change. I wish I had the answers for you!

At this time the country and world is such that there is very little face to face support that we can access and I cannot imagine how many people who accessed these services prior are feeling nor how many people have for the first time found themselves relying upon a crutch of some sort. I am hopeful that soon far more help will be available.

If you do not mind me asking how long have you been using, was there a particular reason for starting and how much do you use in a week. All important factors as to how you could begin quitting. I am a firm believer in tapering of any drug – many will disagree! Have you recognised your triggers?

Much Love xx

[worthless80]

Hi Bex,

Firstly well done for reaching out (hope that does not sound patronising), sometimes it helps massively to put your problems down on paper.

I would love to say that I am changed person, however, I still use although a much lower amount. I am by no means advocating the use of drugs but my journey has had positives as well as negatives.

How much are you doing each day? I must admit I could have a huge rock and would not touch it during the day – mine is a more of a habitual nighttime habit – very much like you I feel that the dullness would be too much too bear. I have been honest with all my family members from the start and have loved and lost a few (sadly hypocrites that were once using constantly). My Dad who is the straightest guy ever simply stated “Debs, when you are ready to stop you will, not when everyone else is telling you too”.

Lockdown has created many drug and alcohol problems in individuals who previously have never relied on them for a crutch so please go easy on yourself. I am here for you if you need me.

Much Love xx

[worthless80]

Hi Guys,

I am so sorry for not replying – I have only just seen the notifications in my spam box. I thank you all for your advice!

I will be honest there have been changes to my situation, I have cut down my usage etc and have become more sensible (if you can be sensible when on drugs).

Lost12

My Husband is a heavy cannabis user and he will source cocaine for me. Many have blamed him, however, quite simply at the end of the day it is “OUR” choice.

How much and how often do you use it? Do you find alcohol/situations/other drugs trigger? How long have you been using the drug for?

I know that currently this seems like a ‘nightmare’, I believe each path whether good or bad during our lifetimes was meant be for a reason and we will learn from the experience.

Please do come back to me and we can have a chat x

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