[ygzr]

But the Icarus Trust website is VERY hard to reach. Very slow connection if you get any connection. It might be valuable to have a look at that. It doesn’t work for me although I would like to connect to them. Its impossible up till now. Two days trying.

[ygzr]

Hi there Liberty,

I am new here and slightly ashamed it had to come to posting about a problem in my marriage.

I am just here to support you and listen to your story.

From what I can read I think he DOES love you but as you are the rock in his tumbling waters he’s taking it out on you to manipulate as addiction does to people’s mind.

Addicts are great manipulative people and when it suits them they will talk to you the way they know you would like to be talked to.

My husband is a cocaine addict.

He has a massive hole in his septum and teeth are starting to fall out but it still isn’t enough for him.

On top of this I work in a hospital but I can not find anyone to talk to as I’m so ashamed. My husband think there is no problem and says I am the one making it into one.

I have been married for 7 years and and at a crossroad whether I should stay or go tbh. In two years I’ll be 50 and he is now 54. I can’t see us getting old together this way.

When I met him I knew he was an occasional cocaine user. Or so I thought.

But nothing to the extent I found out later. Taking cocaine daily until there is no other option to beg for money and manipulate me into giving him money.

I think I am an enabler as I am trying not to think about his addiction too much but in the meantime thinking about it all the time. I’m sweeping it under the carpet to not feel the constant pain and disappointing devastation marriage has become.

Your boyfriend seems like he wants to hurt himself and you first before the situation and your crossroad does that to him.

Its manipulation. Why say you don’t feel you’re in a relationship and say to someone you have been with a long time you hate them. I think he’s ignoring again his pain the what ifs. What if you leave him, what if you told him you had enough of him etc.

I just see it as pure manipulation to hurt someone before the situation can hurt him.

I hope you will find a way to cope, COVID makes it feel more isolated and lonely.

I’m struggling at this moment myself and have not really the best answers for anyone else except honest thoughts and ideas but i could very well be wrong.

Addiction makes us vulnerable too and can give us a cloudy mind.

You just don’t know what to think anymore.

I wish there was a magic pill or some sort of medication to keep addiction away from people. There must be a cure somewhere.

Big hugs

Xxx

[Author]

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