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I’ve asked for a hair follicle test through lawyers and he has to prove he’s 6 month off it danman, after that I will still bring him back for testing over and over until my kids are 16
Danman83 – looking for advice!!
My ex said he’s not touched cocaine for 2 months as I’m asking him for drug test through lawyers for sake of kids.
He was bad on it, using every wknd and taking all diff prescription drugs during the week. His behaviours have been up and down as if he’s still using but I also know that if he’s trying to come off it he’ll also been up and down. He had been usingfor 8 years so do you think it’s possible for him to just stop? He’s not having any help to do it apart from doing it in his own. He is still up and down with personality and moods and smashed my window the other day saying to my mum he was going to get into the house and change the locks and throw my stuff in the street even although he’s renting a flat. He was annoyed that I put something on social media thanking a guy for an invite which was my friends brother offering me and my kids to go with them for a camping trip.
Any advice on what you think about his drug use would be useful – thanks in advance x
Rani, you don’t need to say I have a valid point. You know deep I’m your heart that you know you have a valid point!!!! You give great advice to others, take some of your own advice!!!!
Rani, I know it hurts so bad, I’m with you on that one, you need to lean on your family to get you through this. This forum helps, yes, but your family are more of a strength! X
Rani, do you really want his help after all he has done? I have been told he will help me out with money for School stuff ect and still no money being put into my account. I’d rather do it on my own than accept his help after he has put me and kids through, he has made his bed and he can literally lye in it with who eve he wants now!
And I hope all is going well with DanMan – he’s the guy that comments a lot and despite having his own addictions with coke he understands what us women are going through. I hope he’s doing well and managing! I know it’s hard for him but he’s very honest about things and that makes a big difference!
Hey the funny thing is…. why the hell are we on this site on a Saturday night talking about everything they have done to us? I know it’s good to talk to others and this site has helped me to realise that I’m not the only one going through this, but I should really be out enjoying myself now and getting a babysitter and meeting other people, not for a relationship but just to have the single life he was leading, minus the coke of course! Us women need to meet someone that will treat us with the respect that we deserve!!!
Was his convictions against you? Not that it matters, as things have gone too far!
I know what you mean about the family, I’ve been to my in laws and not got any help at all and I think it’s disgusting that they have put their son over their grandchildren considering what he’s done and continues to do to us. That just goes to show what type of upbringing he has had!
I understand that your family are most probably frustrated with you, because I’ve had to have a few stern words spoken to me from my family. Don’t forget, your family are going through this too and feel your hurt and the kids hurt. It affects the wider family too! This is not your fault though, you done your hardest to try and help your husband and keep your family together and I’ve tried to do the same, and no one can judge you unless they have been in your position. I know women that have just turned a blind eye for the easy life.
Of course your priorities are to be re-housed! Social services are key to that, a social worker can help push that for you. I would also recommend counselling once your other needs are met because it is in your best interest because you have been subjected to domestic abuse and your own self worth is most probably at rock bottom, and what good is that to your kids if you’re unwell. Get house sorted, your mental state sorted and kids sorted, they need their Mum!
Have you been in touch with housing and social services? X
Pops, the man I once knew has now gone. He can’t see it and his family can’t see it. He tells everyone he’s fallen out of love with me, maybe he has but I know that’s due to him doing cocaine as he was cheating on me also and living with a lot of guilt. He tells me different, he’s sat drying to em about his guilt and how he does feel he’s fell out of love with me but still loves me. Now I know theres a diff and he’s said we done nothing together and he got bored so he buried his head in the sand and took coke. He’s also told me he just followed the sheep and became addicted. Our relationship was fine until he took coke, we had our ups and downs like anyone else but we worked through stuff. But I’m like you, I wonder if I ever knew him and my life was all just full of lies as he always liked to drink in the pubs. I’ve been blamed for lots of things and yes it’s hurtful but the way he’s acted with me is not normal, if he’s fell out of love with me then just walk away and be decent knowing he’s hurt me and done wrong by cheating and doing coke, but no he’s still so evil and nasty to me and that’s because he’s still using or has been really damaged by his long term use as he said he’s not used in two months.
I know I done nothing wrong to him in life, if anything I was wrong to allow him so much freedom as he got his luxuries while I was at home with the kids, little did I know he was using coke and cheating, I just thought he was out with his mates drinking which I didn’t mind because he worked hard. But those long hours at work may have been a woman?
I am broken hearted, some days are harder than others as we were together 17 years when he disclosed to me about his drug use. I’m not a silly person and I know I need to put my kids needs first before my feelings for him, at first I didn’t do that because I tried to help him but he continued to use and cheat. I’m still getting a bad time from him as going through courts about kids and house, can’t wait until everything is over so I can finally move on and start meeting other people again, not that I need a relationship because my kids come first, I just mean to be me again and not tied to the kitchen sink and house work all the time.
You don’t want that around your child, he has to stop for himself because he wants too, your child won’t make him stop. You won’t make him stop. He has to want it and even if he does, it’s hard. I hope he does and if he does then I do suggest couples therapy also afterwards. A baby coming along is a big stressor as it is, don’t allow anymore than you need to, you need to protect yourself and your baby xx
So sorry for your loss! ❤️ I can’t imagine what you’re going through! I noticed you have posted your forum on the ‘share your story’ if you scroll down further there is a bereavement section and there may be many people in your position going trough the same thing. It’s always good to talk, this forum has helped me although my circumstances are different, it’s like a mini counselling session at times, but professional counselling can always be helpful. Once again I’m sorry for your loss x
Rani123, I’m so sorry to hear this! My ex told me same thing that he wants nothing to do with me and has blamed me for him taking coke too then he blames himself then he blames me again then he said I bored the shit out of him and that’s why he took it and he wants away from me.
Listen, their heads must be full of mush considering how it’s made with petrol, cement and bleach like chemicals! Yeh it may make them feel good and they think they’re the king of the world when they’re out partying and getting attention from other women, but these other women aren’t nagging them as they see it maybe because us wives ask them to do something at home or do something with kids. The coke makes them live in a fantasy world and they think they’re 21 again. They only want to come back to us wives for their stability. They’re not worth it in that case and your ex has proved that! So has his family for that matter and I’m in the same boat with the family situation.
I hope you have a lot of support around you because you will need it, this isn’t easy, it’s the hardest thing I’ve had to go through in my life!
Don’t know where you live but surely housing, women’s aid or some charity is available to house you and kids?
Much love to you and the kids x
Hi, I’m the same situation. I’ve been cheated on with different women and given the same excuse that cokes makes you do it because it makes you feel good and horney.
We all want the man back we lived but the truth is we won’t get them back, they’re gone and In too deep. The only way out is professional help and lots of counselling and most people that beat the addiction have to give up alcohol too asvthats a trigger and cut their friends out their lives. Even then couples therapy would have to be done given the damage that they have already caused. Too much damage has been caused to me and my children by my ex and his coke addiction, we are still going through a hard time with him even although we’ve split. Only you know whether to give him a chance but my advice would be to run like hell because you will only endure more heartache and you need to look after yourself x
Oh the 14k was for private rehab for 28 days and to be honest I think he would have needed much longer in there!
His words to me were it’s a good drug to take, it makes me feel good but the next day I want to shoot myself in the face.
He will always take it and I know he will because it’s all around him, his friends and family take it and he is not willing to cut himself away from these people. Cocaine destroyed my life and my kids’ lives and I’m still going through a terrible time. He wants to take me to the gutter with him and he’s told me that, his words were I’m going to destroy you and put you on your arse with money. He’s threatened me with social and services saying if he can’t see his kids then I’m not getting them either. He doesn’t care about his kids either if he’s doing that and he is not a decent human being or a true man
I have recently been in the same position as you and he pushed me away also. He got anti depressants and never took them, he got offered counselling and never went. I asked him to go to CA but he thinks he’s too much of a snob for that. I offered him 14k out the house and he refused saying that money is kids’ future but now that we are completely finished he’s taking half the equity out the house. He lied and manipulated me for 8 years, I only found out about his addiction last sept. There has also been other women because the drug makes you feel good and he thought he was in invisible and went with other women obviously feeling horny on it. It affected our sex life for few years but I just thought we were just busy and tired with life ect and he has always has low moods anyway but his depression became worse with the drug and he is very nasty and vile and degraded me all the time.
You cannot help anyone who doesn’t want to help themselves and unfortunately it is very hard to come off this drug.
I’m sorry you’re going through this but my advice is to run and never look back because your husband has probably already cheated also and I know it’s not nice to hear but it comes hand in hand with cocaine, if he’s not done it already, it will happen eventually