[z123]

I’ve had to leave my partner because of it and give up on him as it wasnt nice for me or my kids. I only found out about his cocaine use 10 months ago as he knows I don’t agree with drugs esp because we have kids. I tried to help him and offered him money from our home to go into private rehab but he wouldn’t take it and said that money was the kids future but now I’ve stopped contact with kids he’s taking half the equity from house now anyway. He took car off us also. I’m going through lawyers and said he can have contact if he does a six month hair follicle drug test and his kids want that too but he said he’s taking me to court which means he is not willing to do the test so that tells me he is still using. He said he’s not touched it in 7 weeks but he had been taking it for 8 years so I know he will go back to it as he has never wanted any professional intervention. I’ve had all the abuse and anger from him alo when he’s on come downs, he’s told me he’s tried to kill himself, he’s admitted to driving my kids about in some states, he’s told me he resents me and had thoughts about harming me. I wanted nothing more than him to get better and get back to his old self and was willing to go through it with him but the lies and deception just grew and grew and I had to think of my own sanity and more importantly how I was raising my children and what was right for them. The person I once knew has completely gone

[z123]

You said you can’t do anything really as your husband would get a good lawyer. The law is the law! Do you qualify for legal aid? You can have him drug tested if you have suspicions and concerns for your girls safety. You would obviously have to take him to court.

[z123]

I would never have imagined being here either as he was very much against drugs. I knew he had tried some drugs as a teenager but he had never tried cocaine until he went away to work from home. He said he was offered it to square him up whilst drinking as he drank red wine and could become drunk quite easily.

He has told me he has driven our kids about in some states unbeknown to me as I had no idea he was using coke. For years I knew he went through stages of feeling low and I did say to him he should go speak to a doctor and that he may be one of those people that needed an anti-depressant. He never did! I noticed he started to get angry over the slightest little thing and he would talk very degrading of people and I would say to him you need to think about what you’re saying here, I would say it’s like you’ve got a black heart. The last past year and a half I noticed him being extremely cold with me, speaking to me in a degrading manner and would start an argument for no reason. I couldn’t figure out why, I approached him about his behaviours and told him he was acting out of character and like a ned, this made things worse obviously because I was just like a nag to him. He seemed attention elsewhere with taking cocaine and flirting with other women buying them drinks all night but little do the other women know that he actually hates himself and everything about him is just all pretence.

I was the best thing that happened to him but I’ve had no support from his family whatsoever so he is their problem now as I will not allow my kids to be involved in a world of drugs and his paranoia and depression that’s been caused by the cocaine.

Sounds like your husband has been taking it all along and is too deep into now whereby the cocaine becomes a priority. The girl who he is with is either into it with him or she too is blinded by his lies because he is an expert at it now. The thing is he will never find true love with anyone else because his true love is now his cocaine!

[z123]

All these stories sound so similar. In the beginning when he told me that he didn’t love me, he said how can I love someone else when I don’t love myself. He has always been a depressive type person and doing my research on this stuff I know that people who lack of self-esteem can be some easily addicted because it makes them feel good but the depression hits them harder. He needs it now to make him feel good because the reward part of his brain doesn’t work now without coke.

Like your husbands, he came back and said it was the drugs talking when he said he didn’t love me and his head was all messed up and begged me to take him back but he’s done the same thing to me time and time again since last sept.

He’s told me it’s a good drug to take and he wants best of both worlds. I asked him so you want a single life to take cocaine and see your kids when it suits you and he said no, so I asked him do you want me just to be your friend and he said no and when I said well you don’t want me as your partner or lover he said I don’t know and got angry.

Currently he is fighting me for access as I’ve atopped contact with kids because I told him from very beginning if he took it again I would stop contact. He’s told me he would sign house over to me and I could take all proceeds from sale of house to give the kids a better life but now he’s turned on me and is not willing to do that. He came to house today and sat outside trying to intimidate me then text me asking for his mail. He knows fine well he has no mail coming here since he first left in sept.

There’s no going back for me because now he wants to buy the house from me, how disturbing is that as he’ll be bringing girls back here to the family home we once had with our kids. Cocaine really messed up lives not only for the user but for the people around them!

[z123]

why am i even looking up more about cocaine and relationships when he has clearly made his point towards me! and while i am doing this he is probably out with some other woman as he is never seen at weekends! i am such a sad case to even give him any thought now!

[z123]

Hi, i am sorry you are going through this! I have a similar situation with my now ex partner using cocaine, not the debt however as bills were always paid but he never has any money once bills are paid due to buying lots of cocaine.

I am going through lawyers about selling our home and contact with kids. I have stopped contact but he wants to see them. I have requested he seeks help through a drug rehabilitation programme and seeks counselling for his anger and depression, whether he does this or not is a different story but i have also asked for drug testing by hair follicle. I was advised that many men try to shave their hair before testing or dye it. I am just informing you about this, there is also certain detox shampoos that t they may use to try cheat the test, look it up online.

Big hugs to you xx

[z123]

do you know what, it is fine. I just have to accept the fact that he is now gone and leading the life he wants with cocaine and other women or woman and my kids now come from a broken home because of his choices in life, as he said he came back to try and get feelings for me but he couldn’t but he was still using cocaine and i was too boring for him as i can’t compete with it, so maybe he is better off starting a fresh again and lying to his new partner or maybe she takes it too? he did also say “do you really think we can comeback from this because i don’t think we can”. His family have also came no where near me and my kids since it happened.

And to top it off, he cried to me on the phone the other day when i was asking him for answers about his feelings towards me and he said i was draining him and that he tried to kill himself last week because i am not allowing him to see kids, and he said he had to go because he was in a meeting but he was seen half hour later by my friend driving in his car laughing as he was on the phone to someone. He also cut me off the both times i spoke to him and i called him back and he said he didn’t know what happened but i think he was recording my call to use in court

[z123]

Aww Dan i am sorry to hear this! Please do not give up and please go to professionals and counselling. You can do this! Do not allow the devil of cocaine to take you!

I am struggling myself with my partner leaving and how he has been so nasty with me even before he disclosed his cocaine use, i am reflecting over things and when he said he fell out of love with me about two years ago, i did notice how cold he was with me but he picked arguments for no reason and seemed to hate me for no reason.

You keep at it Dan and even being on this forum and talking to people, telling them your story will help and it shows that you are trying! xx

[z123]

I am pleased your husband is 5 months clean. Can I ask, did you take him back?

For me, I feel it is all over as too many things been said x

[z123]

I have seen a lawyer so he should receive the letter shortly. I have been in contact with him asking to see the kids and obviously I have refused. I told him I am going through the lawyers and he went crazy and texting me horrible things saying I’m an unfit mother ect ect

The house will be sold also so that I am able to move away as I am completely humiliated by what he’s done and became.

He’s told me he doesn’t love anyone but stated he loves his kids and has told me he is 3 weeks off it and that’s only because I am stopping him seeing the kids because he basically told me he wants a single life away from me and still do his coke but he wants to keep seeing kids

[z123]

Yes that’s what he’s been doing, he’ll relapse after few weeks. He honestly is like a changed person and he hates me so much. It’s like there’s a demon inside him.

I hope you keep looking forward and do your best to stay off it and I wish you the best with it

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