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hi Naz,
im in a similar situation myself – all i can say is that it is a good sign he is open with you about his addiction and is willing to speak about it with you. cocaine is a disgusting drug that makes you forget about all the things you love dearly and you basically become an animal. i know how you feel when you say you’re completely in love with the guy and he’s so special to you because thats my situation too. trust me when i say – if he truly cares he will listen to you and change his ways. you need to give him a wakeup call and talk to him about how you feel and what you want for you both (when he’s sober of course), after a particularly bad episode i did this with my boyfriend and i had every right to kick him out, break up with him and make him homeless. but i know he has a good heart, he’s just destructive and makes bad decisions. he vowed to me that he would change and if he was ever caught touching the stuff again he’d end it with me because he knows he cant put me through it again, he even cried seeing how heartbroken i was and said he never wants to see me in that way again. he admitted he needs help and said he will prove to me that he can be better and overcome it. im giving him a few weeks to prove to me with his actions and after that i’ll decide whether i can be with him or not – i say give him a chance, if he truly does care and wants to change he will get the help he needs to be better for you.
best thing to do is wait until he is sober and go on a walk with him and talk about how you feel and what you want to happen. people make a lot of regrettable decisions on cocaine, it is a disgusting drug that makes you forget everything in life that is important to you because all you care about is keeping on getting that high. he needs a wake up call – after talking about it and whether he seems regretful and wants to be better or not you should leave the house with your children for a few days to a week to make him understand that this is real life and he’s risking losing all those he loves and cares about – if his brain is strong enough and he has enough will power he will admit he needs help and will make the effort to change, the way he reacts after you and your children leave will tell you everything you want to know regarding whether he is capable of change or not. best of luck, sending lots of love your way x
hey beckie,
im in a similar situation – my boyfriend used to be addicted to cocaine and had got himself in a lot of debt because of it, he became clean before we got together and i really helped him start to pay back his debts and helped him out with money etc. After a few months of dating. we ended up doing coke together and have done it together just us two between 5-7 times since then, the drug is dangerous.
I never used to understand why my boyfriend would gamble all of his money away and constantly get more coke so he wouldnt be able to sleep and eat for days on end; but even after only trying it a few times ive been able to understand what it does to you. when you’re high you become eratic and the only thing you can think about is fulfilling your needs and being destructive – you basically say ‘f*** it’ to the rest of the world. sometimes we’d get a little bit for a party or something the next day and id wake up in the morning and he’s wide awake just saying that he couldnt sleep, but obviously when i look the coke has all been used. its a disgusting drug that makes you lie and do things that arent you.
before me and my boyfriend were together, he didnt have many people there for him and was suffering from mental health issues which caused him to basically get into the toxic cycle of doing gear, gambling all of his money away and chatting to girls and exchanging naked photos and dirty chats online. the drug is so fucked up that as soon as you touch it you just want to get into that toxic circle again, which i found out my boyfriend did a few nights ago.
we went on a long chat about it (when he was sober and thinking straight) and said i basically wanted to kick him out and break up with him unless he proves to me that he loves me and that arsehole who does coke, gambles and cheats on his girlfriend wont come back again. he was so upset and crying and immediately deleted all dealers numbers off of his phone, blocked gambling websites, etc. because he wants to make it work with me. ive basically given him a trial period for the next few weeks for him to prove to me that he’s going to put the effort in – and im going to see if i can be with him without thinking about the text messages and all of the other things that happened. if your partner has a good heart and truly cares about you they will eventually realise and make the maximum effort to stop hurting you. addicts usually need a wakeup call for them to understand what they need to do – if you could wait until he’s sober then tell him how you feel and leave the house with your son for a few days (stay at a family members or something) this should be the calling thst he needs – how he acts from that will tell you exactly what you need to know about whether you should be with him or not. best of luck and always here to talk!