He hasn’t bothered really about the children in the two weeks he was away apart from asking me each morning if they are ok, no asking to talk to them or anything so on reflection now that was weird in itself.
He’s got a weird obsession about me moving on with anyone else, but not obviously that much that it makes him driven to do anything about it.
I know if I stay with him this will keep happening, the fear of him getting worse or meeting someone else and stopping drugs used to scare me into staying. But in reality I know that if the old him did come back, he’d want to be with me and his kids more than anything. This new imposter doesn’t. I can’t wait round for one fine day that something clicks in his brain to change. I don’t know if he doesn’t want to or genuinely can’t!
I went to a support meeting the other night and I’m worried in case I’m his safety blanket, by me always being there for him, I’m never giving him any reason to want to change.
It’s hard, but I feel ok-ish, I’m expecting bad days but I must keep reminding myself that I’m never going to have a happy life if it stays the way it is at the minute.