You are not alone Lil. I have been in the same position.
Does your husband realise he has a problem or is he happy doing what he does? I ask this because mine doesn’t realise he has an addiction and it has ruined my life.
I feel for you having ‘lost’ your husband and your life to cocaine. Like myself. I understand you completely saying you feel like you are living someone else’s life. It is a nightmare and can only be solved by your husband wanting help for his addiction and wanting it wholeheartedly. I say this because I hope he gets help soon before he loses all the ability to love what he once did. I’m in this situation and I don’t wish it on anyone.
My ‘husband’ also went out overnight repeatedly and not returning home until he had had his fill of alcohol and sniffed enough cocaine.
Please talk to him when he returns and comes down, ask if he wants help, he is the only one that can do it.
I hope you can get your husband back and your life back on track. You must also look after yourself and keep strong.