Hi Lil,
Thanks for posting. I’m so sorry that you are living through this nightmare of your husband’s addiction to cocaine. I can see why you say that it feels like someone else’s life.
You definitely are not alone in how you feel. I work for The Icarus Trust which is a charity set up to support people like yourself. We work with many people who are living with the impact of a family member’s addiction.
Sadly your husband won’t able to get help until he admits that he needs it but maybe you could do with some support for yourself. If you contact us we can put you in touch with one of our trained people, who would listen to you and try to help you find a way ahead.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that this helps. All the best.