Hello,
Thanks for sharing your story and I’m sorry that things are so bad for you.
Please try and get some help for yourself. You could contact us at The Icarus Trust as we are a charity that offers support to people who are dealing with the addiction of a partner. We have people you could talk with who would understand what you are going through. Talking with them might help you and also they would let you know what other support is out there.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope you can get some help. Good luck.