[p25]

He has tried blaming me. I didnt show him enough attentiob, I didn’t make him feel wanted etc. What he doesn’t seem to get is I pulled away from him because of the changes in his personality. The anger, mood swings, paranoia, heightened sex drive but not in a nice way – just treating me like an object.

We have been seeing a marriage counsellor who I have also seen on my own. She agrees with him that the cocaine would have increased him see the affair as a good thing at the time.

I hate the way the last year has made me feel. I now question everything. I don’t feel able to trust my own judgement anymore. I don’t even recognise the person I am underneath the image I show everyone else.