[kel1]

I think perhaps you need to refocus on you now and learn ways to look after yourself better. People will have differing views on this, however NOTHING makes you have an affair unless you want one. Think about it, how many decisions would have to go through your mind when having an affair and at any time did he end/stop it.

What I will state about addiction is that blame is all so common practice for an addict. I’m surprised he hasn’t blamed you yet. If he does please do not listen to the noise.

COCAINE is a stimulant and floods the brain with dopamine, which can lead to hightened senses etc. Try doing some research about the substance online, which can give you some information about the typical behaviour of a coke addict.

Try Al Anon also they help families affected by substance misuse.

There really is no excuse for an affair! There are different types of infidelity, but personally I think there all bad, however if this is a full blown affair then there is nothing other than HIM that chose this regardless of how high on drugs he was.

Look after yourself now.

[p25]

He has tried blaming me. I didnt show him enough attentiob, I didn’t make him feel wanted etc. What he doesn’t seem to get is I pulled away from him because of the changes in his personality. The anger, mood swings, paranoia, heightened sex drive but not in a nice way – just treating me like an object.

We have been seeing a marriage counsellor who I have also seen on my own. She agrees with him that the cocaine would have increased him see the affair as a good thing at the time.

I hate the way the last year has made me feel. I now question everything. I don’t feel able to trust my own judgement anymore. I don’t even recognise the person I am underneath the image I show everyone else.

[kel1]

Sadly I understand only to well. Cocaine changes them into monsters. From loving, loyal friendly people into monsters. Sadly that drug always seems to win! It’s literally the devil drug.

I also get how you’ve lost yourself in all of this, it’s heartbreaking but only too common. If you read many posts on here I’m sure you’ll be able to relate and recognize the behaviours of a cocaine addict.

I would not go down the road of believing what he says to you, as you are definitely not to blame for anything! It’s all to avoid him actually taking any responsibility himself.

As for what the counsellor stated that isn’t entirely correct! Cocaine don’t make you have an affair that’s ridiculous, however any mind altering substances will affect a person’s decision making, but they are still fully aware and conscious of what they are doing! Any addict will tell you that.

Although it take ordinary people and transforms them they are still in their own minds.

It’s always about lies, blame, betrayal and so on as it’s so destructive and sadly will get worse if they don’t make changes and fast. Plus they have to stick with it, because otherwise relapse occurs. That’s a different story altogether.

Focus on you, as believe me it will get even worse. I had a break down over what I went through, and six months on I’m still not myself. It’s soul destroying!

Al Anon can help tho so do try this service

[Author]

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