James your on your bad come down when u have had enough and want to do things like this at 4am.then the next day u think fuk it. That’s your addictive brain not wanting to quit. So don’t go through with it. You just have to be more determined to quit and fight the urges.
I always said I’d never go CA but I did and I’m 3month clean in 5 days.
Download zoom, and go on CA website and look up meetings u can do them in your area or anywhere online. There will be face to face 1s when lockdown lover with. Which I’ve not done. Where are u from mate?
So join the meeting there are diff times. And just listen the 1st few meetings. If u want to introduce yourself you can. And tell them why your there. That’s up 2 u. They say just listen 1st. And you will here others with the same story as you, and your not alone. Then u get a sponsor. Some one who has worked the steps and they show u.
You are recommended to pray and meditate each day. Praying doesnt have to be God. It can be a higher power. Anything you want. Mine is the universe, positive energy, like the law of attraction, treat people well, u get treated well back.
So plz don’t be put off by this. Listen if praying for 1 min a day, to stop feeling suicidal and depressed and skint. I’ll do it any day of the week.
It’s hard, u get peoples numbers from the meeting and we text each other every morning, just saying hello have a good day. Make a phone call at night. You have to phone your sponsor every day. Tell him how you are. Honest mate it helps so much. But it depends how bad you want it. Plus delete all dealers nums and so on.