I have no shame with my son and his addiction, I will fight hell or high water to protect him, and I think snippets of this help helps him during different times. He called me when he was homeless, he talks to me when he talks to no one else. I call him out when I think he is lies, I tell him its the drugs that I hate not him and I keep saying my mantra – ‘drugs don’t work they just make things worse’. I say words are not enough, he needs a foundation and anyone can build a foundation, but not on words alone. He understands this – we say his foundations are made of paper currently – but collectively paper can be made of cardboard and this can be built on. Actions build foundations. I have told people I am having a tough time with my son. When I was at the ‘shock’ stage I could not go out with friends or enjoy life at all – I sobbed all day for about a month. I got extremely depressed and quite ill. This passed to ‘anger’ – I was fucking angry with everybody and my life, I blamed myself for my sons drug addiction and hated myself, detested myself with such anger. But….age has its advantages hasdn’t it? I understood the stages and told myself ‘you will get through it’, ‘you get one life’, ‘ you cannot help him if he cannot help himself’…bla bla…Basically I became a best friend to myself, talking in context, helping myself out. I dont tell people this, but during this ‘acceptance’ stage I am more open to telling people, not all detail, just what is happening on the roller coaster ride. My son looks like an addict – he doesn’t wash, eat, sleep, has odd thoughts, steals, nicks ect. I dont tell people this. He now sees a different side to life, he has found work, he has one true friend and a whole family who love him very very very much. I hope this life looks better to him than heroin and crack. I accept this is going to be his life for a very long time. He is musical and creativer and I hope this will help him out of this pit currently. Thier are a lot of parents on this site going through exactly this. This is a horrible club we are all in. Be strong when you feel you cant be strong anymore. Use his site – I think I have vented at each stage, nothing should be cencorsed. I will not censor heroin and crack and will face up to it – it will not break me, ever. Never. my son deserves that. xxx
