Yes, loving an addict and the suffering that it brings, is a hell that only we know. Part of what makes it so awful is the ups and downs, the uncertainty even when they get sober at times, and that this just never ends. Even when you take steps to remove them out of your life, you still suffer with an incredible pain in your heart. A long while ago, I used to hear about or know families who were estranged. I would think, ” I can’t imagine anything that my child would do that would make me stop talking to them.” How wrong I was. I couldn’t have seen this whole addiction thing coming. I thought love could conquer all and it just doesn’t.
MrsB247- I hope that you have connected with a good counselor. I hope your son does manage to finish his degree- my son hasn’t finished his PhD and I don’t think they’re going to let him back in. At least if your son finishes, maybe your son will get his life together and at least he’ll have that. You talk about the lost house keys, my son has probably lost at least 6 phones in the past- I’m sure while intoxicated. He’s been robbed while intoxicated, he’s had stitches on both sides of his face from falling. It goes on and on. Sometimes those feelings of ‘I can’t go on like this’ give you the courage to make small changes in how you deal with them, and gives you some breathing room.
nanny ger- oh how my heart goes out to you. I have not had the prison piece of it. I can’t even imagine that. My son has had two DUI’s, but didn’t have to serve jail time. This addiction lifestyle is so insane that it is definitely in the realm of possibility that there could be incarceration for something. I reached a limit with him a few months back when he was treating me so terrible and harassing me so bad that I had to block him on my phone- it felt so weird and yet, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I truly felt emotionally abused. We didn’t speak for months. When he’s drinking, I don’t even know who he is. I recently unblocked him because he reached out by email and seemed more calmed down.
When I was heading home from the trip that I shared last week, he texted me to tell me he had just gotten out of the hospital from detoxing for four days. He said he was very depressed. I didn’t know what to say, it’s the same each time. He supposedly has an addiction counselor, but I don’t know if he’ll even go- he hasn’t before. Our Mother’s Day here in the States is this upcoming Sunday. He said he doesn’t know what to do with Mother’s Day and I said I think you need time and I said, ‘So do I’. He hurt me so bad with this last relapse- he was so awful, honestly I’m not ready to see him in person. I want him to see his counselor and have longer sobriety. He said, ” I don’t see what sin I’ve committed that I should get the silent treatment. How long do I have to be sober for the family to say I’m officially sober”.
Wow- really??!! How do I even begin to tell him. I just said, ‘You keep going and we’ll talk’. Sadly, this tells me that he still doesn’t take responsibility for his actions while intoxicated. The pain he causes me makes me afraid of him, and I don’t which person he’ll be when I see him.
You are all brave, loving, and dedicated mothers. I’m know that we’ve all done more than we should have by now, but we’re moms and that’s all we know how to do . But we’re people too and Jem, you’re right. We have many people who love us and I know I need to remember that. You stop caring about yourself because you’re so beat down, but that’s just not right.
Love to you all. One day a time….❤❤❤