Hi Asadmum- I agree with 68862 and Bump22. This is not your fault. It’s important to remember that. Many of us have other children besides our addict who are responsible and leading normal lives. If you start to blame yourself too much, it will take your resolve to allow them to suffer their own consequences. I know because I have done that. My son (and two daughters) lost their dad at a very young age ( he was 9, my daughters 6 and 4 ) and I overcompensated and tried to soften his life. Also, many kids do party a lot and a young age and just seem to outgrow it- not my son. And it sounds like you’re starting to see that with your son too.
68862 is so right. No money, loans or taking the consequences of his actions on yourself. I did too much of that too and I can tell you, it doesn’t work, it just delays the whole problem for years. You think they’ll be so appreciative of your help and they’ll get it together and they don’t.
This is so hard on a marriage, on other family members. I’m a big fan of counseling. If you could get him to go, that would be great, but if he doesn’t go, go yourself. Having an addicted family member takes you down hard.
You’re worth taking care of. You don’t give up on your son, we moms never do, but don’t make them your priority.
Hugs to you. ❤