So…..
After 5 long years of weed addiction my Son has decided he wants to start and get clean.
Deep down I’m over the moon. BUT I’ve been here so many times before, only to be let down.
He has found a new girlfriend and she seems to be the influence. He’s finished his degree, he comes straight from work whereas before he’d be out till all hours smoking and driving.
He asked me to mend our relationship, I said it would take time and I’m not willing to do this overnight because it’s what he wants. I’ve had so much pain and had got to the stage where I am putting myself first for my own wellbeing.
My husband is very different and wants to alway see the best in him, which I have done in the past and stopped once I came to terms that he was an addict.
I said to him not once have you ever stopped and realised what you have put me through.
He said tell me.
I was flabbergasted.
I said I’ve had 5 years of ‘THIS’ and you can’t see how you’ve behaved and the effect it’s had on this house?
I had to walk away.
So I wrote him a letter last sunday ,printed it off and gave it to him.
I said how hurt I was that our relationship had broken down, how I would have never believed a mother could not want a relationship with her child but I was that mother, How I’d cried, cried in his face and he laughed at me telling me weed is ok and it’s not addictive, lost sleep, lay awake worrying till i heard his car pull up, worried he’ll get caught and his future will be jeopardized, begged him to stop, spied on him to try and keep him safe – and he carried on smoking weed like cigarettes, driving while stoned, then occasionally ‘popping’ acid as he told his ex girlfriend.
I told him he had never once apologised for his behaviour and we had helped him with so much – I gave him an example of his dad repairing his car, paying for new tyres, exhausts and the minute his car was roadworthy he was off out till all hours smoking weed. no money to pay for the parts but £120 on weed.
I told him his friends weren’t friends and the only thing they had in common was smoking weed – I said look at them, what do you do with them? Nothing, you don’t socialise other than smoke weed in each others cars.
I admitted I had probably handled it wrong but had to be hard and cut ties as he was making me ill. I didn’t want it to be a witch hunt and all the blame on him.
He read it and told me I was deranged – this is after he said he wants to get clean and start afresh.
During this week he’s ‘towed’ the line. BUT he’s done this before with his last girlfriend he started smoking after a few weeks of being with her and then started the rollercoaster of him treating her like he did us – lying etc.
He wants us to meet his new girlfriend; he’s met her parents. We have decided to go for a meal with my daughter and her boyfriend this weekend.
I so want him to get clean and live a ‘Normal’ life but the deceit and hurt he’s caused makes my blood boil. I’m still angry and am waiting for him to go back to his old ways.
I should be pleased but he’s let me down so many times.
Let’s see how long it lasts.
Love to you all xxx