68862- I don’t know how much we can take either. I don’t know about you all, but I have aged because of this and there’s no getting it back.
Sometimes I feel like I’m dying a slow death like he is and I’m embarrassed to say, that I have sometimes thought I’d be better off dead. Then the pain would end. But, I check myself and remember the good in my life and those who love me and I pull it together once more. I get you when you say you’re gutted.
As I mentioned recently, I went and saw my daughter and precious grandkids. It was so nice! I was looking at my sweet 12 year old grandson and it made me think of my own son and all the hopes I had for him- gone. I just cried to myself and thought ‘ how did we get here?’. When you have nightmares, you wake up and think thank God that was a dream! Now I wake up and am sick that this is real.
Truth is, we can’t take it forever- we’ll get sick. So we must learn to slowly take care of ourselves and I must learn to find a new way of living where his life doesn’t consume mine. I’m mad at him for making me have to do this. To live a life where he may not be in it. I can’t even imagine it and yet, it’s already pretty much true.
On good days, I say that I’m done and I can do this and be strong and just let him go and then I start to miss him. It’s a mess.
Blessings you all my UK friends. ❤️