Hi Scairy, try not to give up hope. There are many success stories here too.
My son joined AA and CA meetings and did them regularly, much better in person than online he says. He managed to stay clean almost 6 months, he managed 3 months before that. The fellowship are great, so supportive and helpful he has met many contacts through it.
It does help speaking to others here in similar situations, you don’t feel so alone. Many times you can’t speak to family or friends for fear of being judged.
In the meantime look after yourself, whatever makes you relax or happy.
Take care and keep posting here to chat.
Lx