Debc is right Kate. It feels harsh but helping him too much just prolongs it. My counselor would tell you that he has no reason to change because you’re taking care of everything.
I have also in the past helped my son try to wean. Watching him sweat and shake and throw up and even providing him the beer to help him wean! It seemed like a loving thing to do but after it’s all over, I was completely wiped out and then he went back to drinking within a week or so at the time.
I started to realize that I just happened to be there at that terrible withdrawal moment with him and I felt like I was saving him and the truth is, his withdrawals certainly happen all the time and I don’t need the stress of being there. Now when he’s going through it, I urge him to go to the hospital. I worry if he doesn’t, he’s going to have a seizure and hit his head and no one will know. But can I change any of that? No! So that’s what they call distancing with love in AA. You always love them, but you try and protect your heart, emotions and physical well-being.
This is the awful part of the addiction. We can do nothing, it’s on them.
What I’ve learned is that they don’t change, so you must. Be prepared for him to turn mean when you do. He doesn’t want things to change because it’s working just fine for him. But it’s not working for you!
You have support here, you’re not alone. ❤️❤️❤️