You certainly don’t deserve this Ivy. When you reach a low point, it’s okay to take a step back to try and catch your breath. It’s how we survive, because having an addicted child is a slow death for us too.
This forum has been a blessing for me. None of us have the answers, but we have each other to lean on. Please take care of yourself in small ways like your cup of tea.
You have many virtual arms around you giving you a big hug. ❤️