Kate – I can’t stop thinking about you and what has happened to your son. There is a UK support group for people effected by suicide of a loved one. There is a helpline and local groups. If you feel like you can, please ring the helpline. This is just an anonymous forum but is probably the most powerful thing that we have to help us. In time you might find again that talking to people that have experienced suicide helps you when you need it. You are very open and honest on this forum and I think that will help you in the days and weeks ahead. I think it’s holding in the grief that is too big for us to handle is what sinks us. You have a grandchild and daughter, and happy times ahead.
The group is: uksobs.org which stands for survivors of bereavement by suicide.
Your son died of something that you couldn’t cure him of, the things you did, you did because you loved him. He could’ve been ill with a physical disease, and died. It’s not really that different. But you would be less likely to blame yourself. This is not in our hands, what happens in the end to our addicted sons.
I bet your son was lovely, kind and funny before drugs took hold, please try and remember that person.
It’s hard to ever find the right words when someone dies and I hope this doesn’t sound preachy. I am so sad for you, I can only try and imagine the pain. We are all thinking about you and have cried for you.
Sorry about any typos, if I read this back I’ll probably delete it so sending as it is.
xxx