Kate- you did everything a loving mom could do. You can’t control another person’s actions, especially an addict’s- how we wish we could.
My best friend lost her son to drug addiction 6 years ago. She was in the same house with him because they were going to a court date in the morning together. She was literally one room away and her son still managed to take so many drugs/alcohol that he didn’t survive it. She doesn’t know when and where he got it. She said she was with him for several days before. I told her that you could could have been sleeping in the same bed with him and he still would have found a way to do what he did.
I have been by her side through all this and watched her go through her grief process. She struggled terribly in the beginning and wanted to die just to be with him. But somehow she carried on and now she derives so much joy from her 5 grandchildren. They get her through. She wanted answers for years and she never really found them. But she is doing better and someday, somehow you will too because there are people who love you and need you and you will meet your son again someday where he is at peace and whole.
Much love to you.. ♥️♥️♥️