Thank you for your reply Danman.
I attended 1 CA meeting in Leeds probably 15 years ago. It just wasn’t something I thought would benefit me.
These days I’ve had this relapse now and I probably won’t even go near it now for years. It’s something I can control most of the time. This is what makes understanding the lead up to when I do have a relapse so difficult because it causes so much heartache and destruction for both me and my family.
I am a doting father. I do everything with my kids from cycling through to hiking, we laugh and joke, I’m there for every occasion and every problem they face so ultimately when the inevitable happens it’s such a massive wound for them to understand and such a huge loss for me. My whole world flips from a happy home to them thinking do we leave and find a new home, do we throw him out, shall we call his parents? Who is this guy even? Is he the same father we knew and loved? Massive implications….. all for a few grams of coke. What destruction.
I need to do something because if and when I heal this hurt I’ve caused and start to piece my life back together and build the pieces of trust and honesty back up with my family…., this must never happen again. I desperately need to work out the psychology behind my head on crash from tootling along nicely as a husband and father to raging coke head. This is my last chance. My wife and children really cannot be put through this again.
I don’t know whether to book in with a counsellor or Mental health support worker or drugs clinic. I don’t need rehab I just need a plan for life… if that makes any sense