Yes about that…. Every so often. Things can be seemingly going perfectly normally then either I will cave in to an opportunity or I might just on a whim decide I deserve a few lines that no one will ever know about. This is obviously the start of a a few days of coke binging that usually ends in me not sleeping and usually getting caught out in the end.
The thoughts of having coke is always there most of the time they’re fleeting thoughts that just go away sometimes they’re a bit stronger and I might dwell on them for longer, maybe have a look at some YouTube videos of people having a good time taking coke/partying. Just reinforcing the feelings that I’m missing out and that’s where the party’s at. Slowly maybe a few days or a week after I might text or call the odd contact that I know might still dabble in it and one thing might lead to another. Worryingly the thought of the pain I’m going to cause never really enters my mind no matter how many times I repeat this cycle. You’d think I would learn but I really am embarrassed and annoyed why and how it seems to recur over and over again.
I appreciate your advice and will look at joining up the CA programme