I feel the same with my son. It’s a super hard balance to keep your distance from them in their bad times and still let them know you love them. I’m trying to do that right now while he’s not sober, but I must admit in all these long years of his addiction I’ve been everywhere in my emotions with him- anger, fear, disgust, anguish, sorrow.
I think it’s okay that your daughter remembers her true brother. I remember when husband died, I idolized him as perfect, which was so untrue, he was an alcoholic too, and unfaithful. It was my sister who brought me back to reality. Over time, I remembered him as he was, flaws and all.
Maybe your daughter will get there too. Love to you all.. ♥️