Hello everyone not been on for a while but have been keeping up with everybody’s stories. It’s great to hear that some are doing well in recovery or taking those steps to beat this awful disease. Kate I still think of you and can’t contemplate the awful grief you must he going through but you did everything you could for your boy who was in such a dark place even his mother’s love wasn’t enough. I pray that one day you’ll be at peace with yourself and remember the time before addiction got a hold of him.
My son managed to stay off of coke for 5 weeks and then the Euros happened! He didn’t go out or watch the football in a pub or venue he watched it at home with us but the atmosphere and euphoria from the final got to him and sadly the next day he used. Within 3 days he’d done £700. I can’t remember if I’ve told you this before but he gambled all his wages so had no money for rent or bills so once again we were in the same situation. We were manipulated and emotionally blackmailed into paying his rent again so we have paid it for the last 3 months. Anyway after this latest episode he said that if he did it again we were to tell his ex so that the punishment would be he would lose his son. That’s the first time he said that. He said he would find support and he did. He has been seeing a drugs counsellor for the last 4 weeks and as far as I know not been using. That didn’t stop him asking for £300 to cover some of his bills that he was catching up on from the previous time 3 weeks ago. Sadly this sent my husband over the top and he had a breakdown. I got him to ring the samaritans and the doctor who were both very good and supportive and managed to talk him down. He’s spoken to a family drugs counsellor who we used to see about 2 years ago but is still struggling and is not sure he will ever get over this. I told my son that things had gone too far now and we couldn’t give him anymore money. It’s obscene the amount he’s had off of us in the last 3 years. Everyday we worry what’s going to happen. Every text or phone call is it going to be bad news again? My husband just wants his life back he’s lost all enthusiasm to do anything he’s in a bad state of depression. It’s so sad that their actions cause us so much pain but we know it’s the addiction causing it. I feel I’m such an expert in addiction now and would not have believed my life would be taking this path. He also told us during his moment of regret because he needed money that he took his first line at the age of 15 confirming he’s been using for 18 years. I’d like to think this is nearing the end now, it seems to be their middle 30s that they’ve had enough.
On a positive note my son’s girlfriend has agreed for him to move in with her at the end of the year but again this is on the proviso that he makes good progress in his recovery. We’ll have to wait and see but I won’t hold my breath.
He’s just called me now to tell me his meeting went well this morning so I have to take that at face value.
Sending love and strength to all of you. Xxxx