Our boyfriends sound so similar. Mine also drinks and uses cocaine. A year ago, sometime after moving in together he talked about how he’s slowly cutting down and would eventually stop. I believed him, and didn’t want to push or force him to stop cold turkey because I thought he could do it. He seemed sincere and would let me flush his bags down the toilet when I found them.
Fast forward to now, and I’ve just moved into a new apartment away from him because nothing has changed. He’s gotten more secretive and distant and I couldn’t take it anymore. I also talked about moving out when we were still living together but I’m not sure that he believed I’d actually do it. I really miss him, but I’m afraid of what this could do to my future. We’re still together because I still love him, but I guess I want some distance from this. I have no idea if this is even the right thing or if breaking up is better.
Similar to you, I’m young and have a good career. We’ve talked about marriage, kids, etc. but I’m terrified. What if everything I worked for ends up getting destroyed by this. What if we get a house together and I end up being the sole provider because he spends all his money on drugs. He really hasn’t got anything to his name, bad credit, zero savings. I on the other hand have been saving since college and building my credit because I care about owning a home one day and having a nice future.
I do love him and wish he would stop, but I don’t think he’s ready at all. No idea when, or if he’ll ever be. I keep telling myself that there’s tons of other SOBER guys out there who can actually wake up at a normal time in the morning. With mine, it’s like pulling teeth just trying to get him to do something at noon. I feel like I’m dealing with a stubborn child.
I hope living away from him provides clarity. Sadly, living away from him isn’t much different than living with him. He was there, but never fully there. I’m heartbroken.