Hi all
it’s been a while since I’ve updated on here and lots have changed, I apologise but I am going to do a long post as really want help or advice,
I’ve been to the police who have logged a lot but is classed as civil, we are now going through legal, I’m on legal aid and don’t get much help, he has securitised his legal debt againest the family home so has a lot, I am getting legal letters from him daily.
Hes made us leave the family home, I had a notice to quit and given 5 weeks for me and the children to leave, legally we should have stayed but mentally we couldn’t stay there so my mum helped us get a rental.
He’s now trying to remove my marital home rights, I have to go to court next week, my family lawyer can’t help and all other agencies I’ve contacted say it is wrong not to agree anything but don’t have capacity to help, it was only 2 weeks ago I found out about court
he has started divorce proceedings and is going for custody of our daughter he hasn’t seen or contacted since March
Our businesses went into administration, so we both lost jobs and income, he owes a lot of money and I think any equity on the house will go.
His lawyers are saying he’s not working and they want me to pay £8600 of occupiers rent (for when I was in the house) but he’s on line as a best version life coach, he uploads videos daily on social media about how he has changed his life around, walked away from businesses and left toxic relationships, which were the reason he did drugs, (I’ve blocked him but I have friends who see it, they are close to commenting but don’t want to get blocked)
He’s got an apartment and a new car, as he wrote off the other one, he also has a partner, someone he met at rehab, I should have guessed,
I’m not currently asking for child maintenance, as thought of asking him for any help for our daughter feels wrong, I’d prefer no contact at all, the lawyers say I need to but I don’t know
The background of how it got to this is since coming back from rehab a year ago my husband has completely changed, he asked to separate in November as could no longer deal with my abuse, my abuse was asking for some help with the kids, which he took as me calling him lazy and a bad dad (I didn’t and honestly that was it)
My “punishment” was that he removed anything classed as non essential from our family home, every painting, photograph, lamps, stools, plants, mirrors, table mats, table cloths, occasional chairs and table, drinks trolly, clocks, everything stored in our attic, Christmas decs, baby keep sake boxes etc daughters passport, birth certificate
he removed all my clothes etc from the master bedroom and locked it, all this while I had a coffee out with a friend
We then had 4 months of him coming out of the room to go to the gym, to make his own food and to wash his own clothes, he’d say good morning to our daughter, sometimes sit there for 10 minutes and then disappear, and lock himself in his room, when I put her to bed he’d come in while I was settling her (story cuddle lie down lights off) he’d put lights back on take her out of bed then say night and leave, I asked him to stop as it unsettled her so then had to text him to say I was putting her to bed so he could come out the room to say night
He moved to his sisters in march, but when I was out he would return and take more things utensils, mop bucket, cling film, towels
I tried to get an occupation and non molestation order but this took weeks to get anywhere then the family law letters started and I got the notice to quit the home
the last lot of items he removed the police did help as classed it as vindictive behaviour, he emptied a side board (he’d emptied it prior so just things I’d put in mainly kids toys and post all over the floor) took all the plates and cutlery from the kitchen, tv from my sons room and my two large plants (only two he hadn’t taken the first time 🤦♀️) and he was told not to return to the house
He did once more, I got a locksmith to get in the empty master bedroom, (just ripped up birthday and Christmas cards id given him and some clothes I’d had in the under the bed drawers) shed, and garage, none of my things were in there but I wanted to do some gardening, their was a petrol strimmer and gardening tools, I went to get fuel for the strimmer but when I got back and went to use it it was gone
I discovered he’d been logged in to the security cameras, I stupidly thought they were off, we’d had problems with them in the past and I stupidly didn’t even think they worked, I searched the house and found a computer set up in a loft above my daughters room which I unplugged but realise he’d known our where abouts
the reason for this post is that he’s put us through so much, my daughter is only 4 scared of him, and going back to the red house (our old one) I have not spoken much about her dad, my 3 older ones see their dad as we have 50/50, and I’ve asked if she’d like to see hers, she said no and that was it, she talks about bad people coming to our new home and taking our things, which I’ve said won’t happen, she sleeps with me and wakes 3 or 4 times shouting mummy, she started wetting the bed before we left but now we’ve moved that has stopped
I don’t know what to do as legally he is entitled to see her but I’m scared it’s not good for her, I just want to do what is best for her, if seeing her dad is best I need to know how to support her so she’s not scared
He is paying for lawyers so they are on at me constantly, each time I ask for help my lawyers have to reapply for funding which takes ages.
4 years ago our life was practically perfect, he then admitted to being addicted to drugs, he said he was so happy that felt he needed more then everything changed
I supported him as I loved him so much and I don’t feel I could have done any more, but he has this hatrid of me and my older children which I don’t understand
again sorry for this post, I know people have gone through similar on this thread so any help or advice would be amazing