Over 5 years ago I was still very much in love with my husband and clinged onto the old him and hope he would sort himself out.
He calmed down his use ever so slightly and continued to hold down his job. Still lots of horrible binges and the aftermath to deal with
It slowly got worse. Then about a year ago I really started to see a change. Given up on life basically. And my own health issues now to deal with have really made me realise he has no where near the level of love or care for me that I’ve shown him all these years.
In the last 6 months things have become so unbearable but I have been trapped not sure what way to turn. He has to trump my needs and health issues if ever I try to speak jo about struggling…and I mean really really struggling now. Instead he resents me, I have added some sort of guilt to his using…
..he is now barely recognisable…there’s a nastiness about his moods now …taunts and goads me constantly so I’m almost relieved when he uses and then becomes a nicer person for a breif moment.
I’m feeling sick to the core. I want to escape but the manipulation is so so strong…he has been taking overdoses when i even hint at not standing for it anymore….if I leave I know he will do some real damage and that’s the only reason why I haven’t left.
I have just started counselling and I have had a few positive moments as a result .. but as the days pass after each session …the despair creeps back in. I am at a loss of what to do. I have had the role of carer for him forced upon me….but health services etc don’t know he’s an addict… All they will see is me as this evil wife who has abandoned him . I am not even sure if I could be prosecuted if I leave him as he is making out to be so vulnerable . I did contact the mental health team on an occasion where he was threatening to overdose and all they said was call NHS111 or 999…but he said if I do that he will flee the house and definitely make sure he’s dead before they get to him.
So at this stage I don’t think it’s lovely or Stockholm syndrome keeping me here….it’s pure fear of what the consequences will be for leaving