I hate cocaine

6 replies

I hate cocaine

I posted ages ago saying I had left my cocaine addict partner. I didn’t. I hung on.
Things have got worse and worse. He has lied so many times, saying he is getting help, deleted dealers number, stopped using. Every time it has turned out to be a lie.
I have put some boundaries in place and stuck to them. I don’t go to his place anymore and insist he comes to mine if he wants to see me. I have a cut off time for phone calls – I go to bed at 10am and switch my phone off. I ask him directly if he’s used which I never used to do.
Very sadly, the relationship is just dwindling away. He rarely comes to my house because he is either taking coke or on a come down. We have short chats on the phone, he gets upset when I finish the call and proceeds to stay up all long taking drugs. I wake up to messages – sometimes they are apologetic and loving, sometimes self-pitying, sometimes aggressive and mean. It used to really upset me but I am kind of becoming quite numb to it now.

I wish I was able to just walk away from him but I have found that so hard to do. Maybe that would have been easier? But I feel stronger. The relationship will end, I know that and I feel so sad.

Lots of love to everyone on here. 2 years ago I was so naive to this. Now I know that cocaine is a truly evil drug.

  • Lozzy80
    Participant

    Rabbito

    Thank you for being so open and vulnerable with us , so many of us have been there…I left and went back and regretted it.

     

    You have some boundaries now which seems to be helping you feel stronger… There is just that final string to cut loose isn’t there..it’s so hard…but you sound like you are nearly there..

    I need to set some stronger boundaries and I feel this will be there year I do make some huge changes…something has to give in the end

  • navy
    Participant

    Hi both

    it’s so hard isn’t it. I’m currently living in my parents house having left him. My heart is broken and he makes me feel like it’s my fault. I wasn’t loving enough. I didn’t hold him and tell him all will be ok.
    how can I he never with me. I work 9-5 when home he said I got therapy then too tired or emotional to see me.
    Weekend became distant I tried to get him to come for a coffee a walk shopping anything but I always ended up on my own.

    The last straw was he took it with him on a weekend away and I just snapped. If in therapy why are you using why did he buy it why did he feel the need to use it when with me.

    i feel lost and broken and so tired. I need to look after me and my health. This is such a difficult time.

    i send my love to you all here and pray that you all get stronger with time and make yourself the top priority.

    take care

    love Navy xx

  • myfamily
    Participant

    I am in a similar position. I have been with my partner for 8 and a half years. I have been cheated on and lied to. I barely recognise the person he has become. He doesn’t answer the phone anymore to me. He is embarrassed about the situation and is saying he is getting help but i don’t think he is ready yet. We have 2 kids together and he has his own flat. After my son was born he went out and didn’t come back for a week. I kicked him out and he could tell i had enough. While we were reconciling he cheated…the person had a baby and kept it a secret. She told him at Christmas and now we’re all in turmoil again. He took the news quite badly and went on another downward spiral. I think the most important thing is to try and set boundaries as you are doing and stay strong. It is such a bumpy road. You have to look after yourself along the way. I have started to see how hard it is to detach from a person that you love so much. They can only make the decision to change for themselves.  I message him to let him know we are here. I can see he is unable to stop. I have lost myself along the way. Last year he was at his worst. I’ve never felt so destroyed. Its the first time he has admitted he has a problem with addiction but i am a mess. His family think he just doesn’t love me anymore and thats all thats wrong. They bail him out, help him out and give him all the money in the world. He answers there calls still. He is very charming and always the life and soul of the party. Cocaine is a rubbish drug!! But someone told me that we are just beautiful people trying to help them. Don’t loose sight of your beauty and stay true to yourself!!

    sorry for the long message. Xx

  • Lottier
    Participant

    I hate cocaine too

    it has destroyed so many families including mine and robbed my daughter of a loving father

    I’m still so confused by how it all went so wrong, I don’t think I could have loved him or supported him anymore, but feel I am now the villain in our story.

    He has cut all contact with me and our daughter, then blames me for keeping her away from him.

    As I won’t admit I was to blame for the breakdown of our marriage too, he laughs and says that’s why we would never of worked, but if I ask what I did he says you know.  He says he was poorly and I’m an awful human being, for giving ultimatums to get him to go to rehab.

    I was a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding which was choosing her over him, this horrible person isn’t him, it’s what cocaine has done to him, he doesn’t care about anything anymore just being the best version of himself, which means removing anyone unsupportive from his life

    His family say it would never have worked, and I know I shouldn’t care but I want to know why, the answer always lots of reasons.

    I feel so mad that I spent 3 years trying to get him better, fighting for us when he was at his worst and he comes out and doesn’t give us a chance, but I can’t flick a switch and hate him

    My friends, family and even his family tell me I’m better off without him, but they’ve all got someone, they’ve got lives, I’ve just got a new job that fits around childcare but I’m either working or looking after my daughter, I’m so lonely and tired no one understands

    Sorry I’m feeling a bit down today, and this rant is about me and how it has effected me, but I know everyone is going through it on here too and it’s not just me, I feel no one else understands or gets it like people on this forum so hope you don’t mind me hijacking your post xx

     

     

     

  • rabbito
    Participant

    Not hijacking at all!

    My partner has consistently blamed me for his cocaine use. It’s awful to hear about others experiences but in a way it’s reassuring to hear how similar they are to mine, it’s reminds me that I’m not to blame for this.

    Not to say I have behaved perfectly! I am sure there are issues around codependency in relationships that I need to explore further. I want to avoid ever getting into this situation ever again and that means not putting up with this shit & walking away if someone can’t offer me the relationship I need.

  • myfamily
    Participant

    Hi Lottier,

    We try and do the best out of our love for them. They don’t want to or can’t do it for themselves. But in putting all our efforts into them we loose ourselves. I started to detach after having my son. I started watching his actions more and more. I started to call him out on his behaviour’s . It has just made me want the old him back more. I will always love him but i don’t like the person he is when he is either taking drugs or on a come down. I am keeping a diary. He messages to say he misses me and I crumble.  I forget about all the hurt and caous he has caused me. But if he really missed us he would be here or getting help to allow him to be here. It is lonely doing it all alone. It’s horrible seeing what life should be like!! Watching your friends and family having supportive partners,  you deserve the same. I am starting to ask myself what he actually brought to the relationship?! He would come and try and be a dad. He couldn’t do it and leave again. My children deserve a better version of their dad. Sometimes it’s better to detach and trust that everything will work out as intended. Even though it doesn’t feel like it right now. You and your daughter deserve to be happy. His mask will slip eventually, deep down he is probably not as happy as he is making out. Keep messaging on here because it helps you xx

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