Thank you for the words Lazzy80. I looked into CoAnon as well. I think I might look for a meeting again and try to attend.
I listen to this woman a lot on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9mAwP4By6g. Her channel is called Put the Shovel Down. Her treatment method is different from the ALANON method, but I don’t know what it is called.
I was listening to one of her videos, and she said the best way to hold your boundaries is not to say them out loud but to execute them. So, I told myself recently that I would not go back to my husband as long as he didn’t get help for his drug use. Please tell me if this is manipulation, I believe it is, but he keeps telling me he misses me and he wants me to come back. Right now, I am staying with my parents.
After a recent, horrendous binge, he said that he had learned his lesson and didn’t want to use it anymore, but he also said he’s going to do what he wants. So, it’s a bit of a contradiction. He doesn’t always use, but when he does, it’s EXCESSIVE. He’s been trying to convince me for a long time that what he is doing is not an addiction, but I can tell now that it is, and he can’t stop it when it’s happening. My therapist says if he doesn’t get help for his addiction, he can’t get better.
We live separately, so I have decided that as long as he is not getting help, I won’t be able to see him. I am devastated. My heart and my body actually hurt sometimes because I am so sad at what is happening.
I am thankful for this community though and to talk with folks here. Makes me feel not so along because I don’t know many other people in my lift going through this.