Hello all
It’s been an awful start to 2025 and I can’t believe what has been happening it’s as though it’s a nightmare I just haven’t woke up from.
Basically hit crisis point during christmas break with my family. His mask was well and truly off for all to see… he was nasty and controlling towards me..this was all following significant deteriorating health after his binge so soon after major surgery (f’ing idiot) and he took no accountability for himself and put it all on me , in front of my very shocked and bewildered family.
things settled a little after getting some treatment but now can sense he is ramping things up again and I just know v soon he will be back to his binges…and it will be the horrible cycle all over again – using , followed by health crises and abuse…whilst still refusing to accept that his C use was probably a major factor for the health complications be now has
My mum has begged me to leave him., I have never seen her so upset and I’m so gutted….I now feel guilty and shame she had to witness his vile behaviour. I am still with him for now feeling trapped and put of a sense of duty…as its just expected I am supposed to care for him as he does have poor mental.health and now physical health…. but I’m struggling so much.. i know some of his helplessness is deliberate, and he is being so demanding for my assistance with a his personal, physicsl and mental health needs….i mean literally everything…but deep down i know many of these tasks he could do for himself but he has a way of making me do it all for him.
I feel so trapped and stupid..how can I walk out on him when he needs so much help.. and now he is currently sober too….I guess it’s only a matter of time before he’s off the rails again and at that stage…he’s able to go out and score drugs then he is absolutely fine to look after himself. But for now I am struggling to cope , and due to the stress I keep snapping back and it’s just so toxic. I am having to take a lot of time off work. I am so drained.