Hi nannyger- I’m sorry to hear the news about your son. It really doesn’t go away, you just bury it to get by. It’s hard when our children do not grow up and display the values and morals that we know we imparted to them. Their addictions are unfortunately a life sentence for us it seems, because even if we physically can’t be with them, our hearts and minds never stop thinking of them. I suppose I will never stop wondering how it all went so wrong. I will pray for you and your heart. It’s not easy to walk away, it protects you from the onslaught, but the heart hurts.
My son has been home from the hospital for a couple of weeks now. I’ve spoken to him just a couple of times. He told me that when he fell in the ER waiting room, he fell face first and broke a bone in his face. In the past, he has broken both of his legs on different occasions, split his head open numerous times from falling. He has a lesion on his tongue that may or may not be from a seizure. It’s all more than a mother’s heart can bear. And I’m powerless to do a thing to help. He frustrates me because in the hospital, he seemed so open and excited to participate in some outpatient program that they were offering and since being home, he hasn’t done anything about it. And of course, his life is a terrible mess, and that’s usually the catalyst for his relapse. He wasn’t mean or rude in our last conversation, but I could tell he was trying to work me so that I’ll feel bad for him and give him money. I still can’t believe that he says he’d rather be on the street than work some job that isn’t “right” for him. I sure hope he’s just bluffing. He said he’ll be out of money in mid-January.
I have many things to be grateful for, but Christmas is just hard and always gets me down.
Kate- I’m thinking of you this holiday season. The first set of holidays are always very difficult, and I hope you and your family can get through it okay.
Love to all… ????????