Nannyger- everything you are feeling is completely valid and oh so real. This is our private burden that we try to hide. Like you Jem, I will forever wonder how it got to this place. Christmas is so beautiful in many ways, especially the spiritual side for me, but as far as the family side, it’s always hard for me too. My immediate family is not “together”. I had always dreamed of my family, children, spouses, and grandchildren gathering around the table for years to come. We used to have it, but now we don’t, maybe forever. I try to accept what it is now. I just took a long nap on Christmas Day and watched NFL football.
I struggle with family members who have more normal lives. I wouldn’t take it away from them for anything, but I sure wonder “why”.
Bump, I’ve done lots of Al-anon. The best part of it is that it all about keeping the focus on bettering yourself. The part I don’t like is that (maybe only here in America), it’s very structured and they don’t like you to talk about your addicted person, which is why I need this place.