Happy New Year everyone. ????
nannyger- you are not being negative, you are reaching out for support. We are all on this because of our sons and their terrible addictions and what it does to us. This is where we are able to share our deepest sorrows.
Kate- I hope that you got through these holidays okay. It may seem like you’ll never have joy again, but I pray that you do in other areas of your life. ❤️
Jem- I have made a lot of mistakes with my son too. I also did the same thing many years ago in going back on a boundary I had set. I had told him I would help him with some money, but he had to be sober in order to get it. Well, he wasn’t, so I said that’s the dealbreaker. Oh my, did he harass me constantly on the phone, texts, emails. At that time, I was so afraid of losing him in my life, that I foolishly gave in and gave him some money. I was so disgusted with myself after. I just wanted him to leave me alone, and it worked, until the next time, and then the harassment was worse and I vowed to not give in and didn’t.
From what I’ve read, if you are going to set a boundary, you must stick to it no matter what. I will be surely tested by this in about a month when my son runs out of money. He’s been threatening homelessness for about a year now. I know he’ll think “how could you let me be homeless, your own son”. I have terrible anxiety about it all. But he just can’t live with me. My health can’t take it and my marriage won’t survive it. And where is his responsibility in all this? He’s had months to plan to save himself. Where is his stake in this problem? Why should I be made to suffer and take care of his problem for him when he won’t? It’s not right. I’ll add again that my son turns 40 in a few weeks. But there’s no lying that if that day comes, I will be crying my eyes out and need lots of support. I can’t even think of it right now- it makes me sick. A day at a time…
Bump- your son is 22 and an adult. Where were we all at 22? I was married, (to my kids alcoholic father) with 2 little kids and another (accidental) one on the way. I was young, but very responsible and was working hard to be a good mom.
Like Jem said, I think it would be perfectly reasonable to give your son a timeline, maybe 2-3 months or so and he has to address his addiction and life and be a contributing member of the household or he’s out. And then the hard part for all of us, you have to stick to it.
I hope 2022 is a better year for all…????