Hello everyone,
Bump, if staff at the hospital are saying he doesn’t have mental capacity then this may be a good thing to help protect you and the rest of your family. They may section him. This would give you a break and your son may get the help he needs.
As others have already said; no matter what you shouldn’t let him back into your house.
I have witnessed my own son – more than once kick off in hospital after overdoses etc and watched him take out his cannula and drip and just walk out the door. My begging him to stay put didn’t stop him. He would only emotionally abuse and gas light me for the £20 for his fix. Though its now £25 – seems inflation is everywhere.
I am so unwell tonight I can’t sleep. The other day my son tried to leave the hospital. I’m in Glasgow and the patients have not been allowed visitors since before Christmas , although I was allowed a visit on Christmas Day.
A few days ago my son decided he wanted to leave. One of the nursing staff phoned to let me know his intentions. She said that my son DID have mental capacity and that if he wanted to sign his self out then he could. My son has been in hospital for three months, he has had three cranietomies and has half of his skull missing. His skull is implanted into his abdomen. At first they thought they could use the skull to patch his head up again. This was before he had further surgeries and the piece of bone it is no longer suitable. They said something about making him a titanium section and use that instead, hopefully in around three months time Thing is , they were about to let my son sign himself out of the ward like that with his brain exposed. He doesn’t even have any shoes or a coat .
I was able to speak to him on the phone for over an hour and he calmed down and said he would stay. I feel he does NOT have mental capacity – I mean how can you have capacity if you think its okay to walk out into the night with no shoes , coat or money and half your skull missing. It’s gone beyond me now. I find the system completely broken . It’s unbelievably bad. Rotten to the core that this is allowed.
In my opinion it’s just a case of the staff not being able to cope. Many I the NHS are now showing severe signs of mental health problems themselves and don’t even realise it.
Im really at a loss as what to do. My son was supposed to be moved to a different facility especially for people with an acquired brain injury (ABI) , but this has been delayed, no one will tell me why – it may be the covid restrictions , but what ever it’s a disaster. The NHS is on it’s knees. I am now ashamed to say I work for the NHS . I am retiring early, I won’t be part of it anymore.
The social services are much worse: very sinister set up.
No one seems to know what is going on anymore. No continuity.
One thing I have learned is that there is not enough help for the families of the addicts and we are mostly just left to get on with it. Stigmatised and sometimes even encouraged to believe it might be something we have done wrong as parents.
If I could have done things differently I wouldn’t have been such an enabler for so long, but through love and fear of the unknown I did everything I could to protect my son. but everything is stacked against us. When my son did go down the homeless path, he wanted to. He didn’t want to cause me the financial burden of paying for a flat anymore. He wanted to move away from the area and the people who had a hold on him. He wanted a chance to try and get healthy. He trusted the authorities. When they said they would house him, they did, but it didn’t work out as he got zero support. Housed out on a remote housing scheme with no money and no hope surrounded by dealers , criminals and other addicts. He was too vulnerable and he was pushed out onto the streets , begging ; under the control of the street dealers.
Harsh as it is, if the social services, police, etc, etc do care then they don’t show it. Their excuse? Oh, their hands are tied.
There is no proper residential rehab openly available, and I don’t see anything changing anytime soon. I won’t share my view why I think things are going to get worse, and I hope I am wrong.
I am a single parent and could only ever imagine what it would be like to have someone to turn to for a shoulder to lean on, for a good cry or a hug and not be on my own. Alone. Now though, through reading the stories here it seems the addict goes out of their way to destroy all of the family unit.
I also see from reading here that some of our beloved addicts are still at home managing their addictions and holding down jobs , or abstaining with the 12 steps.
I know many of you have faith and hope. I do too but not as strongly.
I just think that once the drugs really take hold we have to face reality that no matter what happens, our original sons are not coming back. They are gone for good.We have a new person in their place and even if they stop, modify or change their ways they will never be the people we thought we knew. They are different and we must treat them differently and create boundaries and stick to those boundaries. If I’ve learned one thing it has to be that delaying things only causes more heartache for everyone.
I sound harsh , but this is how I see things now. People can change. I would love to change back to the fun loving smiley, funny woman I used to be. I won’t though. The stress of it all has taken its toll on my health and I will need to be careful and slow.
I am grateful for this forum. Thank you for recommending books and stuff. I like to read and will put those on my list.
Lindyloo thank you for sharing your faith. It always offers some comfort
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Take care everyone and thank you for listening.
Love Ivy x