Febuarymarie,
I can relate to what you are saying. With my son being a one and only I think it took me longer to get to the – I didn’t cause it and I can’t fix it stage.
My own health – physically and mentally is very poor now. I too intend to preserve what I am left with Its tough though and every day is still battle to just get out of bed or take a shower. I am going to fight for myself . You sound as though you have worked through a lot with your son and he is very lucky to have you.
You sound warm and loving Febuarymarie. I’m quite cold and brittle right now, but that is not my true personality. I hope to be more like my old self now I have a window to put myself first and try to heal a bit.
My son has ended up severely disfigured and brain damaged. I am here for him 100% and I hope he can have some sort of life in the future. The Dr’s say his brain rehab will take up to one year and then I hope he can live independently in a flat close to where I live. This should give me time to gather strength, because if he goes back to using again he will be on his own. I shall move away to an island. I’d rather have a lonely peaceful life, than a lonely chaotic one.
I like to look at the situation my son and I are in as if his injury happened in a road accident and that we now have to pursue a different kind of life. I am trying to be positive, but it still hangs around in my mind that he is still an addict though only the methadone which he is prescribed by one of The Drs looking after him.
Time will tell …
Love Ivy x