Thanks Jem, you’re not at all preachy. I have been trying to keep busy most days. Yesterday I saw a friend for lunch and just said he had moved to Birmingham with his girlfriend – but couldn’t tell her the truth of that matter so I left feeling anxious and low.
Tomorrow I am going to a 60th party – so I am trying to be social and keep busy – I also walk most days when the weather permits. It’s just when I’m home it’s really difficult – in my earlier posts I mention the difficulties he/we faced growing up – the death of his father, my breast cancer etc. We’ve always been so close and loving – shared books/went to see films had family holidays and with close family friends. But at xmas seeing him at his cousins wedding off his head on Ket and on Xmas day sat next to his grandmother – the same. I just think when his girlfriend arrived I couldn’t contain it anymore when he screamed at me in the kitchen about food….in front of her. Then telling me the next day that I bring out the worst in him so he has to get away from me because his girlfriend said she had never seen him like that – but I have seen him like that – and so have his best friends. She hardly knows him really – it’s only a year. I’m also convinced she came with KET because she wouldn’t let me pick her up from the station and he was in bed. I think she was meeting his dealer. She’s having therapy for her abusive last relationship, and my son and I think she has undiagnosed aspergers. She spends a lot of time in bed depressed. I don’t think it really helps him because he has to look after her when he needs caring for himself when he’s trying to do his MA and struggling with his mental health/addiction and being away from home. But, I’ve always been kind to her – and she knew he didnt want to live with her yet which she was pretty angry about. But she has him now – and i don’t think it was the best way to start.
I would have loved for them to do it properly – to help them, visit them, meet for lunch anything that normal families do. It just feels like I have just been left with carnage and I don’t know how to pick up the pieces.
Thanks for responding Jem – just a voice from the ether stops me from tipping over the edge.xx