Dear Kate
Firstly I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you have people around you for support. You will need them, you will also find out who your true friends are.
Secondly, never feel like you let him down. There is no reasoning with someone who is in the grip of alcohol.
I lost my husband of 30+ years almost 3 years ago and there isn’t a day goes by when I don’t think that I could have done more, or been kinder. Truth is I did everything I could. I tried to get him to AA and he did go a few times, but he didn’t think it applied to him as he wasn’t an alcoholic.
I sought out counselling for him, got him on a rehab programme, and supported him when he list his job.
Quite honestly I nearly lost my mind in the final 18 months. I miss him every day but I don’t miss the drama and the living hell.
Sorry, didn’t mean to make this about me, just wanted you to know that you were not to blame.
It’s early days for you but I hope you find peace. Here if you need to chat, and if you need it get some counselling yourself. It does help.