Hi Mammyessex, yes, unfortunately addiction does turn them in to people that we don’t recognize. That alone creates some of the trauma that we as family members go through. Addiction, by it’s nature makes them selfish because they put that before everything else. One thing to keep in mind is that addiction chemically changes their brain, so even though their behavior is so shocking, they are not really truly themselves- your loved one is in there. That’s not to say that you should put up with it, because that would not be healthy for you. Your kids need you and you deserve to take care of yourself as best as you can.
I’m sorry he left you, my husband left me too, while I was pregnant with our third child- my son was our first. It’s not easy at all. One of the hardest things we’re all trying to deal with is seeing our dreams shattered with our addicted loved one. I’m sure you feel abandoned in so many ways. Their addiction feels like an abandonment anyway.
I know this is not true, but with both my husband and my son, it felt like their addiction was deliberate towards me somehow, that if they loved me, they would stop. I’m learning with my son because it’s gone on so long, that he loves me, but the addiction is at times something he can’t control.
Rest and heal. Counseling has been enormously helpful for me and reading anything I can about addiction and how to handle your life with an addicted loved one. This thread has been a godsend. These are truly people who don’t judge. We just hold each other’s hands as we do our best to go on. I’ll pray for your family. ❤️