Dear desperatemum2 I don’t even know what to say but please don’t give up you deserve to live in peace please try find a helpline that you can talk to someone over phone tonight! If you have a car go for a drive park up and ring someone so at least you can talk privately without your son hearing, i suppose I am lucky I have never been physically touched by my son it’s come close but never touched
Your mum wouldn’t want you to take your life and think of your other children, I wish I could help you, please stay strong x