I am not going to read the other responses before I respond to this because I don’t want to be influenced. Every day he remains in your home is another day where his addictions are enabled. When I did all of the above, except his home was in North Wales and I live in England, it was catastrophic, not just for me but the entire family and by providing a roof over his head and food etc he was freed up to buy more drugs, more alcohol.
In the end I took the advice of drug and alcohol advisers and made him leave and have never taken him back in. That of course has led to me being called every name under the sun except when he wants money then he switches on all the manipulation, the sorrys, the promises of change, the proclamations of love etc etc and when the inevitable ask for money comes at the end and I say no, back come the awful things he calls me and threats of suicide which he says will be my fault.
My advice to you is to make him leave before he takes you with him. You are not safe whilst he is in your home. You are a victim of domestic violence.
This may sound harsh, but kick him out, you are entitled to live without fear and you are allowed to grieve. Don’t feel guilty, he is the problem not you. It’s his problem to solve. It will never be resolved whilst he doesn’t have to face into any of it because he has a roof over his head, food on the table and access to the internet to buy drugs.
You are not safe, you are not physically or emotionally safe. Please speak to your local domestic violence team too as they will support you as well.
It is OK to want him to leave. X