Hi desperatemum, so very sorry to read this, I absolutely identify with what you are going through. He is in the deep throws of addiction. That means he is unpredictable and given what you have already described as happening, take it from somebody who has walked in your shoes and as harsh as this sounds, do not pay for him to move out. Do not pay for anything. My strongest advice is to have him removed by the police. You are not safe when he is like this.
I know you are exhausted and my advice means digging deep emotionally, however in the long run you have to put yourself first at the moment you are, for many reasons which I do absolutely understand, you are allowing him to control the situation which in turn causes you further emotional stress.
I kicked my son out and when he started to do the whole ‘you don’t care about me’ emotional blackmail shit, I stood my ground and called the police who removed him. It was the best thing I did. As much as I felt awful doing it, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. He was drinking and taking drugs whilst he lived in our house, it made no difference where he did it, out on the street or at home but I recognised I was enabling him by providing the fall back. It doesn’t stop the worry or the pain but it does allow you space to breath and live again.
Please please have a think about it. If necessary call the police and have a chat with them or get support from a domestic violence group.
This is his problem not yours. He has to deal with it and take responsibility.
Whilst he has a roof over his head, a place to order his drugs, a place to crash with you, he will never face into his addictions, it’s all too easy for him at the moment.
My thoughts are with you and take it from somebody who has walked this path more times than I can count there really is only one solution, let him fall. He will either get back up and change or carry on destroying his life. That is all that’s left. Don’t let him take you with him on that journey of self destruction. You can’t save him, only he can do that, but you can save yourself.
Xx