Hi everyone
I have not been on here in a while, and have just caught up on several months posts. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you.
As you all know, my son was a raging Coke addict, which ended up being prescription drugs, alcohol and who knows what else!
I am very proud to say that on the 6th July 2021 he self referred himself to a funded place at a rehab centre. At the time, I had told him to leave after he had taken loans out in my name and stolen anything valuable in the house to sell. He found this place and I agreed he could stay with me until he went it (which was a week). On the 6th July he will be clean of any substance abuse for twelve months! He moved back home in January and his old employer took him back on, so has been working.
I still can’t get used to the new son that has been returned to me and I am still suspicious of every move, which quite frankly is not healthy! He has met a lovely girl who had a similar experience to him and they have both found faith in the church ( I am not a church goer) and attend meetings. They have a huge support network now that they are clean.
I myself am a single parent with 4 adult children, was married for 28 years to a man who was also an addict. I had to leave him to try and keep a roof over my childrens heads, that was 10 years ago. He was a gambling addict and still is. He is involved in the childrens lives but still in denial, my children are all adults and know he has a problem but they have accepted that and love him for who he is, he is very lucky!
Having lived with addiction all my adult life, I can reflect on it differently now. It is a disease, but with this comes desperation, violence, crime, drama, chaos, guilt, manipulation, lies, fear, loneliness and all of this consumes your life, whether you are the addict or loved one of the addict. We are the loved ones and we have lives too, you can’t change the addict but you can change your involvement. Don’t allow their addiction to stop you being you and enjoying your other relationships with siblings, children, friends, partners. You cannot do anything to stop them, they can only help themselves.
My son was in active addiction for 12 years. His addiction stole years from me being able to live freely. I was in fear for his life because of the seizures and suicide attempts and for my other childrens lives because of the dealers knocking on my door demanding money that he owed. And all of the other atrocities that happen.
Today, we are united in our support of my son whilst in recovery, what I have learnt is that this is a lifelong recovery for him. He is no longer the manipulative scheming boy that he had become and he certainly has taken ownership for his actions. We are still literally taking it day by day but each step forward is a step further away from the chaos he has left behind.
We love unconditionally (even if we really don’t like the person sometimes) and we all handle things differently in our lives, you will all do what you think is best for you and yours at the time, don’t feel bad for this. It is much easier in hindsight and with a clear head.
Thinking of each and everyone of you, and thank you all for always being there and for being united in the chaos that is addiction.
xxxxx