Hi Dasey- welcome to this forum. I hope it will give you comfort in knowing you are not alone in this difficult journey.
Sometimes it takes us reaching a point where we just can’t do it anymore to start making changes, even if it starts with ourself. I would encourage you to learn everything you can about addiction, setting boundaries and enabling. We’re moms, it’s all we know how to do, but our mothering can actually enable their addiction- I know I’ve been guilty of that. Right now, your son doesn’t really have any reason to change in his current environment. It’s very hard to know what to do. Perhaps seeing a counselor will give you the strength to take back your life. It’s scary to start saying no them, because they will push back- hard.
It helps to start with small steps. Maybe tell your son you will no longer clean up after him. Even though that will be hard for you to see the mess, it’s the point you’re trying to make.
You have a right to a peaceful life. It sounds like you have a large, wonderful family and you deserve to enjoy all of that.
Stay strong- hugs. ❤️